For the Teabag in All of Us

Not that kind of teabag. Don't be gross.

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Location: South Florida, United States

If I go about this properly, the blog will (eventually) explain enough about me, so let me just explain the blog, or at least the title of it, here:

"A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

busybee

I'm not entirely sure where I'm finding the time to write this post, but I've decided ... to hell with the scheduling! Everything will get done... eventually. Right now I need to unwind a little.

I'm more than a wee bit tired from the weekend... and a crazy one it was. It's nice to be back in my own house for once. Of course I leave it again tomorrow ...heading up to NY for little sister's wedding and a couple of branch inspections. I've got a lazy 42 hours or so planned with the parents and Chulo -- barbecuing and boating and just being chill -- wedged inbetween the busy times. So for now I'm just going to enjoy my time alone at my desk catching up on all the bloggy weekends and giving a little update of my own.

Chulo took me to see Phantom on Saturday, to celebrate my new independent consulting adventure and my two clients! I've read the book and seen the movie but never seen the musical live... it was fantastic. Why he's so good to me, I'll never know.

I might get to meet Sass this week! If Nat would teach me to snoopydance, I so would do it for that occasion.

In other news, I think my last post was the first time I've broken 20 comments. And only uhhh... I think 6 of them were mine. Yay blog buddies!

I've yet to do the Y tag for Dzer (which I asked for, idiotgirl that I am! I can't help it, I love tags/memes!) But I had a looooong 3-hour drive from Orlando (and straight to a client's office) this morning to think about things, and try to keep myself from falling asleep (unsuccessfully for a brief moment -- that was pretty scary!). Anyway, I was thinking about friends, and how I am so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life, and this is what I came up with:

A friend invites you to her housewarming party
A true friend arranges her party around your schedule

A friend visits new mommy and baby in the hospital after a long, hard labour
A true friend comes to the hospital bearing gifts not just for baby but also for new mommy

A friend congratulates you on your decision to start your own business
A true friend calls contacts to garner clients for you and offers to help you with marketing

A friend is nice to your new boyfriend
A true friend tells him embarrassing things about you but in the next breath offers to introduce him to her boyfriend's friends so he'll feel more at home when he moves to a new town to be with you

A friend lets you crash on the couch when you unexpectedly show up in her town for a family emergency
A true friend opens the door for you at midnight, after she's already gone to sleep, and gives you half the bed AND the silky pillows

I will do the Y tag and tell you all about the wedding festivities next week!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

exhale....

So effective tomorrow, I am free. No more oppressive job atmosphere. It's over. And I am soooooo relieved.

Definitely also a little frightened, because ...well ..... I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do next. Well I mean I know what I'm going to do next, like... immediately next. I have an appointment to discuss a consulting job on Thursday. And I guess there are one or two more gigs I could line up. But after that ....?

Then there's the fact that I've been wanting to do this -- consulting -- for so long. Remember the other thing about my job that was so hugely important to me that I said it deserved its own post? Yeah... consulting is it. And they have turned me down, because in my line of work, anything you do away from the office needs to be disclosed to and approved by your firm. And they weren't about to approve my consulting side business. Which really, really pissed me off. Along with so many other things about the company, which I'm not about to rehash now because they're all there in the last post, and I just get pissed off thinking about the daily stress that this job causes me and for WHAT?

So yeah ... now, no more pissedoffiness. I'm relieved. I'm even happy (but not without some reservations and fear). I'm looking forward to a little bit of down time after ALL this stress. I'm looking forward to having the freedom to head up to Jacksonville to help Chulo and OHMYGOD I just realised that there's another update I've failed to give ....

Chulo got a job here.

And he is moving to South Florida in 3 weeks.

Oh, and... he's moving in with me.

Yeah, all my friends were totally shocked. Most of them finally got a chance to meet him last weekend (I've been keeping him all to myself -- but can you blame me? He's totally cute) and they loved him. Which is really important to me, because I love my friends like family. It was kinda funny though, because he wound up telling most of them... and at that, it was almost like he was telling them in passing. He didn't know that I hadn't told them... I just hadn't had time to update them! So ya see? It's not just bloggy peeps that were in the dark.

Nat already knew. I needed at least one voice of reason to support my decision when I made it (Tuesday afternoon) and she was the one I turned to.

The family doesn't know yet; we're going to tell them together next weekend when we're up there before the wedding. I'm not sure how they'll react but I've thought about it a lot, and Chulo's thought about it a lot, and we both seem really content with who we are, and who we are together. I admit it took some self-convincing to be comfortable with this decision, but I think in large part I'm just scared... I mean, how many times have we said to ourselves in life, "this is the one" and then discovered several weeks/months/years down the line that no, we were wrong, this is most definitely NOT the one. And I'm afraid to have to go through that kind of failure again. But I've been waiting a long time for someone like him to come into my life and now that he's here, I don't want to let my insecurities get in the way of my happiness and our chance at happiness together. And I can always remind mom and dad that they were living together like the same week they met. When it's right, it's right.

Leaving this job feels right. Being with Chulo feels right. Both are scary propositions, both will take a lot of work, a lot of faith in self, and a lot of compromise. But I think I'm ready.

Just breathe.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

So I have been thinking a lot about work recently, and wondering how happy I really am there. For several reasons I guess but mainly because I feel like, with the possible exception of my boss, no one in charge respects me or the work I do. Which really pisses me off because I happen to be quite good at what I do.

A few things in particular are bothering me and making me feel like I'm not being taken seriously/respected/appreciated. I hesitate to even blog about this because my office is the kind of place that checks everyone's cache and if they see I am going to this site, they might read it to see what it is, and one look at the photo and they'd know it's me. But I figure if there will be discipline or even termination over legitimate griping on my own little corner of the internet, where no one knows the name of the company I work for and no information presented herein could possibly compromise anyone involved, well then I made a very poor decision in going to work there and it's not the sort of place I want to be anyway.

Moving on. Some things about work have been bugging me lately and they go something kinda like this:

1. You know how I've been bitching about not having an office? I guess a lot of people don't find this to be a big deal, but I do -- for several reasons, not the least of which is that I have one employee who is twice my age and thus very upset about the fact that he reports to me, and he is frequently trying to discredit me in front of the rest of the office, which is easy enough to do when I am in a cube (also did I mention that HE has an office? Mmhmm. It's called "first come, first served.") And while he clearly has no issues being so glaringly unprofessional, I would never redress him in front of everyone else... even though he deserves a good ass-whooping. So I smile and eat his shit and calmly explain to him whatever ridiculousness he's trying to throw at me, because that's how I need to handle him out in the open. Anyway, the point is, some space has freed up and I am finally getting an office. YAY! And I was all excited even, because I was slated to get X's office, which is nice and clean and it's a good size and it has a window that, admittedly, overlooks the parking lot, but still -- natural light! Except that now it's been decided that I will get Y's office, which is smaller and on the inside so no natural light, and also Y has been in there for like, ever, and is not the neatest/cleanest person and the office kinda smells funny. And the reason why? Well. That was never exactly articulated, but ... you do the math. Basically X's office is nicer and, as such, is being held for someone more important. Yeah, I get warm fuzzies just thinking about it. I mean, in some ways I can understand it.... but it's just so insulting.

2. About a week ago, I needed to stay home because my a/c broke ... and really, you don't want to get stuck in south Florida in May with no a/c. But of course the service guys give you a 2-3 hour window in which they'll arrive, and from there they still have to do the actual work, so it's impossible to say when they'll be done. So I put my office phone on forward to my cell. I compile a bunch of files of pending items and decide that instead of taking the day off, which I can scarcely afford to do since we are so busy, that I will instead work from home. Keep in mind please that I live 30 miles away from the office and gas is $2.94/gallon. The next morning, I wake up, check emails, answer phone calls and do some work... all in my PJs while waiting for the a/c guys. I call my boss around noon to tell him that they are still working, and what does he want me to do, because I have plenty of work to keep me busy all day. He says I should come in. And I just don't understand why he doesn't like the idea of working from home. If anything, I'm more effective because I have fewer interruptions, there is no "social time" involved because there's no one stopping by my desk to chat, and you get me working longer because a) I do not have to commute so I basically wake up and start working, and b) I don't feel guilty about taking little breaks during the day so I'm inclined to work well into the evening hours. Is it a control thing? A lack of trust? I dunno but I find it irksome, especially given the time spent commuting and the cost of gas. Once in a blue, I should be able to work from home, no questions asked.

There actually is a 3d thing but it's quite involved, because it encompasses so much more than just work dynamics, and so I think it deserves its own blog entry. Suffice it to say that it's a very important issue to me but when I brought it up I was immediately shut down.

So I'm wondering if maybe I've gone as far as I'm comfortable going in the position that I currently hold? I mean not just at this firm but at any other? I'm just not ready for a Chief position (even though people I've worked with disagree vehemently), but there are only so many companies around here where I can serve as Deputy or Lieutenant or whatever the 2d in command is called. I really enjoy what I do, and I particularly enjoy it at this company because I am getting so much exposure to different areas of the business and learning so many new things. I wouldn't say that I'm doing exactly what I want to do, because I'd prefer to be handling much more regulatory work, but the experience I'm getting is really excellent in terms of learning new products and seeing supervisory issues from the top-down instead of dissecting their structural components. I'm used to creating policy but not executing it, so it's a different vantage point, and while I don't love it in quite the same way that I love stretching and remoulding the regulations like play-doh, it's still very rewarding and, like I said, the experience is invaluable. What I don't enjoy is the insecurity because no one ever tells you if you're doing a good job (or a bad job) so you're just going through the motions but without any feedback you're just left wondering... hmm are they going to fire me today?

And then I think about how maybe I should be practising law instead and how I feel my legal muscles are quickly atrophying because I so infrequently flex them. And some friends and I have been talking about opening a law firm a few years down the line, which I think might be lots of fun and also a good investment of my capital and time. I've also thought about going to work for one of the local specialty firms, doing either claimant's or respondent's side (though I admit it's a bit more... highbrow, I think... to do respondent's side. The arguments are much more refined in terms of detail involved in the defense) ... but I think that a) I would wind up taking a pay cut which I am NOT interested in doing, and b) no one would want me anyway because other than scoring a passing grade on the Florida Bar and a couple of hours of CLE credits, I have really no qualifications to practise as an attorney. And then I give up on that idea until the next time it pops into my head.

So this post is totally long and really very profession-specific so I apologise in advance to those reading and going... wow this is the most boring post ever! I just need to get it out and even if you guys don't understand any or all of what you're reading or can't relate, it feels good to get it out. It's hard to talk about this with most of the people I know, precisely because it IS so specific.

I guess I am just thinking a lot about work and respect issues and how ours is an ever-evolving business yet the people in charge are so very stuck in the old ways and are positively curmudgeonly when it comes to effecting even a minor change. For example we are losing a very valued employee because he is unhappy with a) his pay, but more importantly b) the fact that he does a whole bunch of shit work and he's so smart and so willing to try new things and help out... and he's been asking me for months to make this change but unfortunately I have no real power, and neither does my boss even ...which is insipid, really... because every little decision is made by committee and infrequently do such decisions take into account the ideas, needs, or desires of the people they affect. Which is crazy!

And yet? Because he's leaving, the requested changes are being made. His sacrifice becomes the catalyst for change and it's just a strange way for a company to evolve but that seems to be par for the course.

And it annoys me.

I guess everyone gets fed up with their jobs from time to time, and at the end of the day I do love what I do... I enjoy the people I work with, the working under so much pressure, the rush of crafting arguments with the rulemakers, the networking, and the daily education and professional improvement that working in a busy atmosphere will afford you. But really... a little respect would be nice.

Sock it to me, sock it to me...

Friday, May 12, 2006

Roses are Red...

Violets are blue
I've nothing to post
So I'm looking to you

Remember when Nat posted those lovely poems a few weeks ago (maybe not that long). Well, I'm not really much of a poetry girl but I do have my favourites. So she gave me an idea. What if I were to post my favourite poem, and ask my commenters to post theirs?

This is called I'mtiredofpostingabouthappyloveygooeygoodnessbutthat's
encompassingmylifeatthemomentsopleasehelpmeout. I know it's a total cop-out but I'm interested to know what your favourites are too! If nothing else it's a good way to remember oldiegoodies or get exposure to new poetry that you might not otherwise have found.

I promise if you play along, I will post something meaningful next week. I'm traveling on business most of the week so I should have a bit more down time than usual.

I'll give you two of my favourites because the ones I like, I really really like... so it's hard to choose. Enjoy! Or throw tomatoes at the screen...whatever! -s-

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red, than her lips red
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.

I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.

I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground

And yet by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

~Shakespeare, Sonnet No. 130


A single flower he sent me, since we met.
All tenderly his messenger he chose;
Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet--
One perfect rose.

I knew the language of the floweret;
"My fragile leaves," it said, "his heart enclose."
Love long has taken for his amulet
One perfect rose.

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.

~Dorothy Parker, One Perfect Rose
All right now... your turn!

Saturday, May 06, 2006

I'm in love



That's it. That's my secret. Now you all know.

Even my MOM doesn't know, and you guys know. Of course, my excuse for that one is that she's on a transatlantic cruise somewhere around the coast of Italy and not really reachable. But anyway, now you know.

I tried to be cool and put the brakes on. But you just can't plan love and you simply cannot not love this man. He is far too kind, funny, generous, respectful, intelligent, sweet, caring, gentle, adorable, and cuddly to resist.

Oh PS Chulo knows too. And the feeling is mutual!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

little bits

It's been a while since my last update and frankly, even I am tired of looking at my dad's crazyeyes, so even though I don't have anything scintillating to discuss, I figured I'd post a couple of little updates (and one big one).

~ This past weekend was Meet the Parents Part Deux. Also, it was meet the older sister, the younger sister, the nephew, the nieces, the great nephew (?I think!), the younger brother, his wife, the Professor and MaryAnn. Luckily I'd already memorised all of their names so I was okay. Also, I officially love his mother, because after I left she asked Chulo how old I was ...she thought I was 25. So I love her for 2 reasons: 1. She thinks I look 25, and 2. She thinks her son is a dirty old man. Ha!

~ I finally bought the new (old) Jack Johnson CD and I have to admit that it was soooo worth the wait. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing is the reason I fell in love with him in the first place (I'd never heard of him before), but Better Together and Banana Pancakes? Lovelovelove.

~ I also bought Panic! at the Disco which isn't like me because I usually wait a bit before buying new band CDs (are they a new band? I dunno but they're new to me! so) but I love the one song they've released so much that I did a little impulse buy... it just makes me want to get up and dance around; it's so fun and free and catchy. Luckily, this album is also so very worth it. Now I don't know what to listen to on the way to work.

~ My sister wants me to carry stargazer lilies at her wedding. I find stargazer lilies quite putrid actually, and I really do not want to carry them. What is it with people and these flowers? It seems like they're an integral part of every generic bouquet. And the worst is when the florist doesn't remove the little pollenated bits which fall off and stain everything.

~ When is the price of gas going to come down? I mean even just a little bit?? I can barely afford to drive to work anymore.

~ Work is absolutely crap anyway so I don't even want to drive there. I alternate between wanting to quit and acknowledging that I chose to work there because it is a good company run by good people and I am getting valuable experience. I just wish they would let you know, even once in a while, that they think you're doing a good job. Or? Tell me that I'm doing a bad job. Whatever! Either way, it will let me know that you're paying attention and it'll get me motivated to either keep doing well or try harder. Is this not common sense???

~ I hate feeling insecure about work. It's not a feeling I'm used to.

~ I'm not working out and I'm feeling extremely lazy and lethargic. I need a normal schedule in my life, or at least some vague semblance of a normal schedule. I have too many things going on.

~ I hope desperately that Chulo doesn't read that last one and think that I'm blaming my hectic life on him. Because I'm not. AT ALL. He is such a ray of warm lovely sunshine and I'm so glad he found me (I say he found me because I never would have found him). And we both owe Nat a beer (ick) for telling me to sign up on the site where we met. Yay Nat!

~ I have a secret that I'm not telling you guys yet.

~ My sister is on the phone so I better publish this quickly and then start paying attention to her ranting!

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