For the Teabag in All of Us

Not that kind of teabag. Don't be gross.

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Location: South Florida, United States

If I go about this properly, the blog will (eventually) explain enough about me, so let me just explain the blog, or at least the title of it, here:

"A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Still not a Red Sox fan...

Well. SFSG is leaving, on a jet plane. Ok actually he's already left. In fact, he should be landing any time now. So now, my faithful 3 readers (if that many)... I can blog about him!

So ok, he didn't really look like his pictures. Mainly because in each of the pics he was wearing a cap, and when I got to the airport, he wasn't.. and he was balding. He looks 40 (he is 40, so that's normal, but he'd looked younger in the pics). I'm ok with that... he just wasn't really my type. He is shorter, rounder, and balder than my type. Not that looks are everything, because a) they aren't, b) if they were, I would be a serious hypocrite and thus deserve to spend the rest of my days miserably alone, and c) he was still cute -- just in an older-than-I'd-expected kinda way. But anyway, there he was, with his big goofy smile and what he calls, and what I have come to affectionately call his "ahoo horhay" hair (apparently this is the song sung by the Whos down in Whoville, but I don't recall it, so I'm taking his word for it), and so I gave him a big hug and took his jacket and dragged him off to our first date.

He picked a nice place, we had a nice dinner (overrated, underflavoured and overpriced, but the atmosphere was nice -- it's lovely eating outdoors in January), and I introduced him to his first cuban mojito -- a fantastic concoction of mint leaves crushed with lime and sugar at the bottom of a glass filled with rum and a splash of sprite, so he was loving life. I just wasn't feeling it. Don't get me wrong, I was still doing all the girly bits of twirling my hair, biting my lip, and looking up while my face was tilted down...because that's what I'm supposed to do on a first date. But I was sorta thinking... hmmm...something's just not right. I took him home before heading back out to a different place for after-dinner drinks, and as he handed me my first gift of the weekend, he kissed me.

Wow. He's a bad kisser. Or at least he was, 6 days ago. He's quite good now. Go me!

You know what else he's quite good at? Yeah... you know. Honestly, I'm not even sure how it happened. I was on the floor, setting up his airbed like a good hostess (ok yeah, a good hostess would have done it in the morning before she left for work, but I was way too stressed about meeting him and way too preoccupied with getting my hair just right and making sure the apartment looked just so) ... next thing I knew, he was giving me a back rub, kissing the back of my neck (even bad kissers can do this well), and then... I dunno ... we woke up together on Saturday morning. He never slept in that fucking blowup camping bed contraption thingy.

I don't know what to say about him other than that he is awesome. He even put together the truly nightmarish wine tower thingy that I was bitching about the other day. We'd shared many a joke over this bloody thing and part of his "mission" in coming to visit was to put it together -- I swear. He got right on it Saturday morning. Isn't it lovely? (still doesn't hide the fucked up paint job where I ran out of New England Yellow)




All of this, with (in his words) no bullshit, no games, no outrageous expectations. I spent the entire weekend being treated like a princess. There were backrubs, footrubs (with girly-smelling lotions!), dinners out, breakfasts in, thoughtful gifts, multiple orgasms, and hours and hours of belly laughter. I want to want more from this guy, because he is so truly wonderful. But he's not the one, and I know it, and I knew it right away.

So what is it that makes us choose one person over another? I've dated men that were great on paper, but boring. This guy isn't boring, but somehow I still know that he's not someone I can have a lasting relationship with. Which makes me think I should check myself into a mental hospital, because really, there's nothing wrong with him. He's got a good job, he's funny, he's intelligent (not cerebral, but intelligent), he's humble, and gentle, and cute ... he's generous, friendly, and honest. He's good in bed, he's a great cuddler... and I felt so comfortable with him. Like he was a buddy, a boyfriend, a lover and even like a brother, all rolled into one sweet little package. AND he's into me. I mean, what is wrong with me?? Yeah, he lives in Boston, but I believe he'd move if things were headed in that direction.

And all I can do is ask myself, why aren't things headed in that direction? It's probably my fault. I tend to make up my mind pretty quickly, and I didn't want to mislead him, so I kind of nipped it in the bud. We were laying in bed on Sunday morning (catching our breath), and the conversation went like this:

Me: You know... I'm having a really good weekend
SFSG: Me too
Me: I mean, to be honest, I'm not feeling the whole relationship thing. But I am having a wonderful time with you
SFSG: You wanted to talk about this NOW? Is everything ok?
Me: Yahyah things are fine, it's just... I mean, I don't know about a relationship
SFSG: Well, I know we had to meet and check it out. It's not really like I can move down here tomorrow
Me: Right...but...
SFSG: And you know, I'm starting the new job. We just needed to meet to see
Me: Right... but... listen, I'm not trying to be negative. In fact it's just the opposite. I wanted to let you know that I'm really glad you're here, and I'm having a great time with you
SFSG: Me too. C'mere.

So... what was he thinking? Would he have tried to make it a lasting thing if I'd not said that? Did he get the same "this is great but it's not going to work long-term" vibe that I did? Now that he's home, will he try to make plans to visit again? Will he want to keep it alive?

I don't know. I did get a text from him a few minutes ago, to let me know he was thinking of me and still laughing. I actually miss him. But I think I miss the company more than the himness of him. Maybe I'm just an insufferably picky bitch.

Dammit.

8 Comments:

Blogger da buttah said...

For the life of me I can't understand what makes the spark and what doesn't.

Time after time after time after TIME..I've gone out with guys who were smart, funny, attractive, and on paper met all my requirements..and in person personified those requirements..

And time after time AFTER GODDAMN TIME, I sit there and think "he'll treat me like a queen, and I know this...and I want that, but for some reason not from him."

....and then I go hook up with some asshole who treats me like shit and stick with him for months and years...

wtf?!!

god, if only I understood.

1/18/2006 09:19:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

Buttah - I don't understand it either. I mean, if this guy were local, I would probably date him... well, it's kinda weird... because the likelihood would have been that since we hit it off so well from the beginning, I would have met up with him much sooner which would have given us less time to reach the level of closeness that made him want to fly 1500 miles to see me. And if the relationship level had been so much more superficial at the time of meeting, I could have just walked away and been like, "ok, not for me... thanks for coming out." But since we let it get to a certain level and only THEN met, I felt closer to him and made allowances that otherwise I might not have made (as in, I might not have felt even a little bit of attraction to him, and also, I wouldn't have felt like I owed him anything if we were just meeting at the Starbucks up the street).

So now that we did meet and spend the time together, I recognise that I would probably date him if he were local (all variables presented in the prior paragraph notwithstanding). BUT that doesn't mean it would be the right thing to do, so I'm kinda glad he's not local.

Dude. This is a clusterfuck. I'm all stroppy about it again now.

1/18/2006 09:54:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

So right..I told you on IM that I was gonna comment in the morning cause I wasn't making much sense cause I am sick...and I guess technically yes it is the morning...but since I a motherfucking insomniac now...who fucking cares?

Elle-

Count me in the club darling...been there done that...but at least we tell the men we don't have chemistry with instead of just dropping off the face of the eart...sorry thinking back to your post on ...

Me no understand it either...

Jmai-

Well buttocks, I am sorry it did't work out. He sounded good. And when he picked up the phone when I called to check on you, he made me laugh...and making me laugh is good. But you can't force it if it's not there...it's just a good thing you told him what you thought. No use putzing (sp?) about...but also, no use getting in a strop about how thesethings work out...and why we choose who we choose...shit...we are all fish in a fishbowl trying to find our way...

-N

1/19/2006 12:38:00 AM  
Blogger JMai said...

You can be a fish if you wanna ... I'm just a squirrel trying to get a nut.

-giggle-

1/19/2006 08:42:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

That reminded me of Robert...cause he used to say that...but really he was more like a greedy squirrel trying to get as many nuts as possible, sometimes more than he could ever want or need.

Hopefully he has grown up from that.

I don't know why that just came out. It might be the medicine.

I shall go swim against the current now.

-N

1/19/2006 11:13:00 AM  
Blogger Hubris said...

Dude, don't feel crazy just because you're not into him. Yes, he sounds very likeable... even in many ways, but the point is that you were given intuition for a reason. Trust it. Go ahead and be confused when your intuition seems to go in two directions, but remember, intuition is normally at odds with what appears to be the reality. That is why its there.

Great Post

1/19/2006 12:19:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

Butt - Robert's got big puffy cheeks that look like he can stuff a bunch of nuts in there.

GH - You're right. I try to trust my intuition whenever possible ... always wind up getting fucked when I don't. Something told me to quit my job on my 3d day, so I did, but CEO convinced me to stay... now, 3 months later, I'm pretty miserable and no idea what to do to make it better (there's a serious dearth of opportunities for what I do in S. Florida and I don't feel like moving back to NYC).

Anyway yeah, I'm ok with it and I feel I made the right choice, and I know I did the right thing coming clean to him early on. I just can't help wondering why.

1/19/2006 08:34:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

that sucks dude but you know what? i've forced it and it's always terrible in the end. way to be honest and upfront.

gut is good!

1/19/2006 11:50:00 PM  

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