Why are boys weird?
So I'm trying this new thing called dating...meaning that, for the first time in years, I'm trying to meet (or at least talk to) as many men as I can, even those that I normally would not be into, just to see what I like and what I don't, what I'm willing to sacrifice and what I cannot deal with, and just generally teach myself to STOP choosing all the wrong men ...and possibly find lasting love, husband, kids, dog in the process. But the only thing I'm finding is that I just do NOT understand how the other half lives. What is the deal with boys? Why are they so .... weird?? I will give some examples:
SFSG: You know all about this guy. Spent a great long weekend together, absolutely nothing wrong with him that I can see -- but we're missing that imperative, intangible something that a couple needs to make it work. He's back in Boston, but we still talk...he'll call or email, and we'll chat just like we did before "the visit." After he left, I was having some doubts as to whether I did the right thing by dismissing him so quickly. So when he called me on Tuesday night, I thought I'd bring up the issue of how he felt, since I didn't really give him a chance to make up his own mind about where we were headed. Basically, he said that he didn't think we should stop living our lives and it wasn't fair to a fledgling relationship to have the burden of this great distance between us. WHAT? Then what earthly reason could you possibly have had for flying alllllll the way down here on 3 days' notice? Was it just for sex? I mean, really? Do people travel in search of sex these days? But it can't have been just the sex, right? Because then why is he bothering to call me even after I've made it clear that I'm "just not that into him?" -Sigh-
Ok so then, THEN -- he calls me again, on Thursday night. Except I am on the phone with Suitor No. 2 (who I will call Teach, and who I will probably discuss in a mo...let's see where this goes). So I talk to SFSG for a minute, but then explain that I'm on the phone and I will call him back -- if not tonight, tomorrow. Now, maybe I shouldn't have added on that last part. Because maybe by doing so, I tipped him off to the fact that I was on the line with another potential suitor (which I was) and he felt that I was more interested in pursuing this one than I was in rehashing things with him (which I was). Anyway, of course I did NOT call him back that night, because I got off the phone with Teach at approx midnight and I was tired. So I called SFSG on my way to work the next morning -- voicemail. I left a message: "Sorry, hung up kinda late and was tired. Hey, I just passed a kid on the street wearing a Yankees jersey -- think I should pull over and beat his ass? Anyway, give me a call later." Nothing. Then tonight, on my way home from Yoli's, I called him again. Voicemail. Again. I hung up. No message.
I mean, is he now angry with me for choosing to talk to Teach rather than him? Not that he even knows who I was on the phone with, but I guess maybe he'd be upset that before "the visit" we'd spent every night talking together for hours and now that it's over (and we'd come to what I thought was a mutual agreement but I realise now was more unilateral... although not for nothing, if he was so into me wouldn't he fight for me?) I've chosen to put him on the telephonic back burner in favour of speaking with someone else?
See what I mean? Weird.
Orlando Guy: This guy is a fucking trip. I spoke to him on the phone for the first time a few weeks ago. Seems nice enough, definitely cute. Sort of boring to talk to on the phone, but sometimes it takes people a while to warm up, so I figured -- worth a shot, let's see whatcha got. So we talked a few times but then I kinda blew him off when I knew SFSG was on his way down, because I guess that's kinda like cheating in a weird, quasi-relationship sense. I never said -- listen, don't call me because I'm going to meet this other guy who is a much better conversationalist than you are -- but I did just let his calls go to voice mail and then I would call him back at times when I knew he wasn't available to answer, so it would look like I was making the effort (in case things didn't work out with SFSG... see, Orlando Guy was on the back burner, he just didn't know it). Anyway, as you all know, things did not work out with SFSG, so I decided to give OG a call. And it was a good call, and then we spoke a few times for about a week or so. Then he didn't call me. And I am one of those girls that takes note of who is calling whom... not because I believe it's a game, but because if I'm making all the effort, then I have to wonder how interested a guy is in me. And if he's not that interested, I don't really want to push myself on him, or otherwise exert effort that will ultimately be wasted. So I moved on. Then this morning, guess who decides to wake me up?
Now, honestly... what did this guy think? That I was going to jump out of bed and prepare for a date with this guy who so gallantly gave me ... what... 12 hours' notice? Not bloody fucking likely! If he were staying with someone who lived next door to me, I doubt I would have agreeed to meet him. Dude... there is more to life than waiting for your ass to call me and sweep me off my feet, ok? So I basically told him off for thinking that it was ok to call, wake me up, and expect me to want to hook up with him when he hasn't even made the effort to call me in over a week. He actually had the nerve to say that it goes both ways. Yeah, this guy's done.
OG: How far are you from Fort Lauderdale and Cape Coral?
Me: I LIVE in Ft. Lauderdale. Cape Coral is on the west coast.
OG: Ohhhh yeahh, I got it confused with Fort Myers.
Me: Uh huh. Why do you ask?
OG: I'm on my way down to Cape Coral now to visit a friend and I was thinking that I could meet up with you for a while since you're so close.
Poppit Guy: Seriously -- I met this guy ina poppit chatroom in 2003. Have you ever played the web game where you pop the little balloons and prizes come falling out and if you pop them all you get a whole bunch of points? Well, that's poppit. It sounds like the lamest game ever, and basically it is ...but it's mindless crap that I could do while sitting in class listening to lecture, so I used to play it frequently. And one day, this guy started yapping at me in the gameroom, I don't even know why. I was living in Spain at the time, but he was local (and still is), and used to tease me about hooking up for drinks when I got back to the States. He has been web-stalking me ever since. It's so weird. I cannot count how many times I've turned him down, how many men I've dated since he first asked me out... and every once in a blue, he comes out of the woodwork and starts all over again. Today, he got lucky. I was in a friendly mood, I happen to be single, and so I agreed to go out with him. I have my doubts, and I'm going to make sure that Nat knows every little detail about him before I even agree to meet him for a latte... but we'll see what happens. But 3 years worth of web-stalking? It's seriously weird, and I'm a little concerned that I've actually agreed to see him.
Freaky St. Pete Guy: This one is realllly weird. He sent me a brief message on the personals site to which we both belong. I was really busy, but I sent him a quickie back -- "thanks for your mail, I'll definitely write more later when I have some time, catch you soon." He wrote back, "cool, looking forward to it." Up til now, entirely normal exchange, yes? So I am good to my word, and write him a happy little message with some brief tidbits about me (I have a kinda template that I use with new suitors...one of these days I should actually run the message by you folks, it's sort of an extension of my profile info but more casual) and questions about him. No response. Okay fine, he's a blond, which I'm not usually too keen on, but like I said... I'm trying new things and giving everyone (ok not really everyone) a chance, just to be fair and see what comes of it when I open my mind. About 4 days later, another brief message on the site. I wrote back, "are you ever online for a chat, or do you just pop in and out?" No response for a few days. Then he pops back up, "hey I really want to chat with you, here's my phone number." Phone number? Dude, be serious. I'm not calling your weird ass. I'm not even sure why I'm emailing with you. I wrote back, "ok looking forward to catching up when you're online." I like to know a little something about people I'm going to move into the phone stage with, you know? Yes I'm trying to be open but I'm not just flying blind. So this guy... I am not lying... sends me an email "call me now, my number is 1-800-stpeteweirdo." Yeah right. First of all, I was out at the time he sent the message, so I couldn't have called just then even if I was inclined to do so. Second, am I now taking orders from this blond motherfucker that I do not even know? Unlikely. Next!
I'm not even going to mention the rest of the weirdos online these days. Well ok, I'll mention them briefly:
- The 41-year old who lives in Philly and has 2 kids. We discussed how he's not in a frame of mind to move (and God knows I'm staying put), but then he wants to know if I want kids of my own, and when I respond affirmatively, proceeds to tell me that he doesn't want any more kids. What the fuck do I care what you want, we've already established that "you-n-me" is a non-event.
- The super-cute artist boy from central Florida (ps Nat, you should be getting in on some of this central Fla action, because there seems to be an awful lot of availability up there). His profile says he has a strong sex drive, but he only wants to have sex with someone he cares about. Then he tells me that although I am delicious, the only thing he's available for just now is "friends with benefits" because he's got ex- and work-drama. Aha.
- The EMT from New Mexico who's looking for a casual relationship but keeps emailing me anyway. He's totally cute and seems like a good guy, but ... I'm not moving to the middle of nowhere, and if all you want is a casual relationship, what are you doing emailing the likes of me allll the way down here in south Florida? Duh.
So I'm looking forward to the day when he asks me to join him for a drink, or dinner, or whatever... but I'm not entirely sure he will. In the meantime, though, I really do enjoy talking to him, so I plan to keep doing it until it's no longer feasible (because one of us has started dating, or whatever).
But man... I bet he's got some weirdness up his sleeve too.