For the Teabag in All of Us

Not that kind of teabag. Don't be gross.

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Location: South Florida, United States

If I go about this properly, the blog will (eventually) explain enough about me, so let me just explain the blog, or at least the title of it, here:

"A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Why are boys weird?

So I'm trying this new thing called dating...meaning that, for the first time in years, I'm trying to meet (or at least talk to) as many men as I can, even those that I normally would not be into, just to see what I like and what I don't, what I'm willing to sacrifice and what I cannot deal with, and just generally teach myself to STOP choosing all the wrong men ...and possibly find lasting love, husband, kids, dog in the process. But the only thing I'm finding is that I just do NOT understand how the other half lives. What is the deal with boys? Why are they so .... weird?? I will give some examples:

SFSG: You know all about this guy. Spent a great long weekend together, absolutely nothing wrong with him that I can see -- but we're missing that imperative, intangible something that a couple needs to make it work. He's back in Boston, but we still talk...he'll call or email, and we'll chat just like we did before "the visit." After he left, I was having some doubts as to whether I did the right thing by dismissing him so quickly. So when he called me on Tuesday night, I thought I'd bring up the issue of how he felt, since I didn't really give him a chance to make up his own mind about where we were headed. Basically, he said that he didn't think we should stop living our lives and it wasn't fair to a fledgling relationship to have the burden of this great distance between us. WHAT? Then what earthly reason could you possibly have had for flying alllllll the way down here on 3 days' notice? Was it just for sex? I mean, really? Do people travel in search of sex these days? But it can't have been just the sex, right? Because then why is he bothering to call me even after I've made it clear that I'm "just not that into him?" -Sigh-

Ok so then, THEN -- he calls me again, on Thursday night. Except I am on the phone with Suitor No. 2 (who I will call Teach, and who I will probably discuss in a mo...let's see where this goes). So I talk to SFSG for a minute, but then explain that I'm on the phone and I will call him back -- if not tonight, tomorrow. Now, maybe I shouldn't have added on that last part. Because maybe by doing so, I tipped him off to the fact that I was on the line with another potential suitor (which I was) and he felt that I was more interested in pursuing this one than I was in rehashing things with him (which I was). Anyway, of course I did NOT call him back that night, because I got off the phone with Teach at approx midnight and I was tired. So I called SFSG on my way to work the next morning -- voicemail. I left a message: "Sorry, hung up kinda late and was tired. Hey, I just passed a kid on the street wearing a Yankees jersey -- think I should pull over and beat his ass? Anyway, give me a call later." Nothing. Then tonight, on my way home from Yoli's, I called him again. Voicemail. Again. I hung up. No message.

I mean, is he now angry with me for choosing to talk to Teach rather than him? Not that he even knows who I was on the phone with, but I guess maybe he'd be upset that before "the visit" we'd spent every night talking together for hours and now that it's over (and we'd come to what I thought was a mutual agreement but I realise now was more unilateral... although not for nothing, if he was so into me wouldn't he fight for me?) I've chosen to put him on the telephonic back burner in favour of speaking with someone else?

See what I mean? Weird.

Orlando Guy: This guy is a fucking trip. I spoke to him on the phone for the first time a few weeks ago. Seems nice enough, definitely cute. Sort of boring to talk to on the phone, but sometimes it takes people a while to warm up, so I figured -- worth a shot, let's see whatcha got. So we talked a few times but then I kinda blew him off when I knew SFSG was on his way down, because I guess that's kinda like cheating in a weird, quasi-relationship sense. I never said -- listen, don't call me because I'm going to meet this other guy who is a much better conversationalist than you are -- but I did just let his calls go to voice mail and then I would call him back at times when I knew he wasn't available to answer, so it would look like I was making the effort (in case things didn't work out with SFSG... see, Orlando Guy was on the back burner, he just didn't know it). Anyway, as you all know, things did not work out with SFSG, so I decided to give OG a call. And it was a good call, and then we spoke a few times for about a week or so. Then he didn't call me. And I am one of those girls that takes note of who is calling whom... not because I believe it's a game, but because if I'm making all the effort, then I have to wonder how interested a guy is in me. And if he's not that interested, I don't really want to push myself on him, or otherwise exert effort that will ultimately be wasted. So I moved on. Then this morning, guess who decides to wake me up?

OG: How far are you from Fort Lauderdale and Cape Coral?
Me: I LIVE in Ft. Lauderdale. Cape Coral is on the west coast.
Ohhhh yeahh, I got it confused with Fort Myers.
Me: Uh huh. Why do you ask?
OG: I'm on my way down to Cape Coral now to visit a friend and I was thinking that I could meet up with you for a while since you're so close.

Now, honestly... what did this guy think? That I was going to jump out of bed and prepare for a date with this guy who so gallantly gave me ... what... 12 hours' notice? Not bloody fucking likely! If he were staying with someone who lived next door to me, I doubt I would have agreeed to meet him. Dude... there is more to life than waiting for your ass to call me and sweep me off my feet, ok? So I basically told him off for thinking that it was ok to call, wake me up, and expect me to want to hook up with him when he hasn't even made the effort to call me in over a week. He actually had the nerve to say that it goes both ways. Yeah, this guy's done.

Poppit Guy: Seriously -- I met this guy ina poppit chatroom in 2003. Have you ever played the web game where you pop the little balloons and prizes come falling out and if you pop them all you get a whole bunch of points? Well, that's poppit. It sounds like the lamest game ever, and basically it is ...but it's mindless crap that I could do while sitting in class listening to lecture, so I used to play it frequently. And one day, this guy started yapping at me in the gameroom, I don't even know why. I was living in Spain at the time, but he was local (and still is), and used to tease me about hooking up for drinks when I got back to the States. He has been web-stalking me ever since. It's so weird. I cannot count how many times I've turned him down, how many men I've dated since he first asked me out... and every once in a blue, he comes out of the woodwork and starts all over again. Today, he got lucky. I was in a friendly mood, I happen to be single, and so I agreed to go out with him. I have my doubts, and I'm going to make sure that Nat knows every little detail about him before I even agree to meet him for a latte... but we'll see what happens. But 3 years worth of web-stalking? It's seriously weird, and I'm a little concerned that I've actually agreed to see him.

Freaky St. Pete Guy: This one is realllly weird. He sent me a brief message on the personals site to which we both belong. I was really busy, but I sent him a quickie back -- "thanks for your mail, I'll definitely write more later when I have some time, catch you soon." He wrote back, "cool, looking forward to it." Up til now, entirely normal exchange, yes? So I am good to my word, and write him a happy little message with some brief tidbits about me (I have a kinda template that I use with new of these days I should actually run the message by you folks, it's sort of an extension of my profile info but more casual) and questions about him. No response. Okay fine, he's a blond, which I'm not usually too keen on, but like I said... I'm trying new things and giving everyone (ok not really everyone) a chance, just to be fair and see what comes of it when I open my mind. About 4 days later, another brief message on the site. I wrote back, "are you ever online for a chat, or do you just pop in and out?" No response for a few days. Then he pops back up, "hey I really want to chat with you, here's my phone number." Phone number? Dude, be serious. I'm not calling your weird ass. I'm not even sure why I'm emailing with you. I wrote back, "ok looking forward to catching up when you're online." I like to know a little something about people I'm going to move into the phone stage with, you know? Yes I'm trying to be open but I'm not just flying blind. So this guy... I am not lying... sends me an email "call me now, my number is 1-800-stpeteweirdo." Yeah right. First of all, I was out at the time he sent the message, so I couldn't have called just then even if I was inclined to do so. Second, am I now taking orders from this blond motherfucker that I do not even know? Unlikely. Next!

I'm not even going to mention the rest of the weirdos online these days. Well ok, I'll mention them briefly:
  • The 41-year old who lives in Philly and has 2 kids. We discussed how he's not in a frame of mind to move (and God knows I'm staying put), but then he wants to know if I want kids of my own, and when I respond affirmatively, proceeds to tell me that he doesn't want any more kids. What the fuck do I care what you want, we've already established that "you-n-me" is a non-event.
  • The super-cute artist boy from central Florida (ps Nat, you should be getting in on some of this central Fla action, because there seems to be an awful lot of availability up there). His profile says he has a strong sex drive, but he only wants to have sex with someone he cares about. Then he tells me that although I am delicious, the only thing he's available for just now is "friends with benefits" because he's got ex- and work-drama. Aha.
  • The EMT from New Mexico who's looking for a casual relationship but keeps emailing me anyway. He's totally cute and seems like a good guy, but ... I'm not moving to the middle of nowhere, and if all you want is a casual relationship, what are you doing emailing the likes of me allll the way down here in south Florida? Duh.
So I was going to mention Teach, except ... I haven't yet noticed anything really weird about him. He seems like a normal guy, he likes to talk with me, and I really enjoy chatting with him -- both online and on the phone. He's smart, very funny, and judging from the way he talks about teaching and his kids, he's got a good heart. He doesn't play any weird games with me, unless you count the fact that we've been chatting for weeks and he hasn't yet asked me out. Actually I mentioned it to him (I discussed this briefly in a comment on LSD's blog) the other day... I asked him, "so you basically have no romantic interest in me whatsoever, huh?" And he said "actually I think I do. I just tend to play it pretty close to the vest." And then went on to say how he's considered asking me out but hasn't because he's been so busy that he didn't want to seem ingenuine (is that a word?) by asking me and then not having the time to make good.

So I'm looking forward to the day when he asks me to join him for a drink, or dinner, or whatever... but I'm not entirely sure he will. In the meantime, though, I really do enjoy talking to him, so I plan to keep doing it until it's no longer feasible (because one of us has started dating, or whatever).

But man... I bet he's got some weirdness up his sleeve too.


Blogger LiquiDiamonds said...

i think you sumed up the weirdness in the subject title: BOYS. You are dealing with BOYS, so expect BOYISH responses and actions.

Without being too prying, I wonder why you would do the on-line dating thing? I know it's the cool hip "got no time to dig for my own gold, so I'll try the short cut" thing...but really...

I think I'm the wrong person to ask about relationships because I ended a very intense 3 year relationship in Sept 05(i'll give you a hint: it included 2 brain surgeries)and I really don't see the need for another relationship any time soon.

However, I can tell you this, you are going to go through alot of sifting before you find someone worthy of your time. During this softing process, don't over think anything. They are boys, and beleive me, they are underthinking.

Patience... :)

1/29/2006 01:12:00 AM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

Pick door number no..door number two...I am so confused...Good luck with ALL least you have some options...

1/29/2006 09:33:00 AM  
Blogger JMai said...

LD -- I am online because honestly I have no idea WHERE I am supposed to find these men without going through online personals. My neighbours are mostly older marrieds, I wouldn't dream of dating anyone at work (they're all old too), I'm no longer in school... I guess I could sign up for permanent jury duty and hope a cute lawyer picks me for off-jury duty! That last scenario is unlikely, because I AM a lawyer and know too many lawyers, and so I have very little faith in most of legalkind's ability to be even a LITTLE bit interesting and not entirely self-involved.

That said, your last word sums it all up... Patience. All I can say is, I am DEFINITELY going to heaven after all this!

Casually -- you call these options? LOL. I call them headaches.

1/29/2006 10:49:00 AM  
Blogger da buttah said...

i have no idea what is happening with men lately

or maybe it's me

but they've gone fucking woman on us! i swear!! emotional needy fuckers they are, i swear!

online dating is just a pain in the ass..i know...there's no other way to meet jewish singles *hangs head in shame*...but, even the guys that seem worth a shot are fatally flawed in some way..

it's me, i'm there with you girl. it just ain't pretty....or pleasant.

1/29/2006 06:26:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Duuuude...I feel like I have not talked to you in forever and a day. And that's probably because I haven't, because life has been not hectic but manic. I am supposed to close tomorrow and I spent Sat night in the ER... no worries all is well but I was feeling crappy...I shall post about it.

Anyway...holy long post batman. I must say everyone is weird in their own way. It's just what kind of weird you like. I am quirky; I make up words; I get excited about supid stuff; I overanalyze...and some men might think I am weird as shit while some other might find me their cup of tea...hey that goes with the bloggy theme.

That said, I didn't know there was that much action going on in your life. Damn, there seem to be alot of options. The bad thing about dating at this age is that the pool gets smaller... but the positive thing is we know what we want and there are people we would not go out with. We are wiser daters.

However, it is a good thing to give people who you might have not given a shot a good ol' try. One can be pleasantly surprised. And I have known a few women and men who found the right person by letting go of their own "dating list requirement," you know?

And I'd gladly get into the Orlando action...where is it? Cause as far as I know we are on the same sites and I haven't found much to work with so far. It comes in spurts.

Anyhoo...will catch you up.

Love you :)


1/30/2006 02:33:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

Whaaaat...ER?? Yeah, we need to catch up. Big time.

And I know it was a long post but dude... the boys are WEIRD.

PS the happy bunny was for you.

1/30/2006 04:46:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Yaay on the happy bunny tip :) I love that rabbit...he is the cleverestestest wabbit ever!!!


1/31/2006 09:07:00 AM  
Blogger Alice said...

ah, i LOVE casual dating! really... i think it's awesome. like in a hysterical way. it's fun to go out a lot, and they usually pay, and you ALWAYS get good stories out of it! sometimes more "creepy" good than "funny" good.. but still fun overall :-)

1/31/2006 01:35:00 PM  
Blogger Eunice said...

You are brave. Boys are dumb. I have come to the conclusion that we will never figure them out, no matter how many of them write books allegedly giving us insight into their twisted minds.

Thanks for visiting my blog too! :)

1/31/2006 02:32:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

Elle -- they are all flawed, that's for sure...but then so am I, so I'm trying to keep an open mind and expand my horizons, and whatever other cliche crap you want to throw in there! Some of these guys, though... uuuugggghhhhh

Alice -- I think there is a lot of "creepy" involved in the online game...that said, I'm having fun. If I was really miserable about it, I wouldn't blog, I would sulk and eat truffles.

Eunice -- the reason I never read these self-help books about relationships, is that they all seem to be written by men... which as far as I'm concerned is a total conspiracy to freak us all out entirely and have us abandon the idea of happily ever after and spend the rest of our days having casual sex with no commitments.

Ok no more male-bashing. I note only one guy has commented on this post. Ooooops.

1/31/2006 08:20:00 PM  
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