For the Teabag in All of Us

Not that kind of teabag. Don't be gross.

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Location: South Florida, United States

If I go about this properly, the blog will (eventually) explain enough about me, so let me just explain the blog, or at least the title of it, here:

"A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Monday, June 26, 2006

business as usual

I think I'm going to just give up on the idea of life becoming routine anytime soon. I know most people cringe at the concept of routine, but it's something that, especially as I get older, I find I appreciate and possibly even need. Which is not to say that veering from the routine isn't just as necessary at times, but I think it's nice if you have a routine to veer from, rather than constantly trying to find a routine in the hectic disorder of your life.

So I'm back in New York tonight. Wasn't I just here, you ask? Why yes, yes I was! But my presence was needed again, because Mama Jmai managed to land her silly self in the hospital after a pretty bad car accident and had to have spinal surgery -- pretty scary stuff. The worst part? For some inconceivable reason, no one wanted to tell me or Lil Sis -- and she only found out by chance, because she called up and wanted to talk to Mom ...and well, she wasn't around. They didn't want to worry us. Can you imagine! Because really... knowing that you would even consider keeping something like a secret is the thing that worries ME. Ayyy.

Anyway, Dad's got a court date out of town and someone needs to keep watch over poor Mom (whose surgery, thankfully, was a success -- but she's still very slow getting around and shouldn't be left to fend for herself), so here I am. Even considering the circumstances, it was nice to have the whole family (all 4 of us -- talk about nuclear) together without the significant others. I love my Chulo (and Lil Sis loves hers), and I love the way my family loves him, but there's something very nostalgic and fundamental when it's just us. Mom and I stayed up late tonight talking, and I don't get to do that with her that often, so I'm glad to be here. Even though I'd like to shake some sense into her (probably not too wise, considering the spinal surgery and all), and make her promise never to drive again (this isn't her first accident; she's only had two but they've both been doozies), it's an excuse to spend quality time and we just don't get enough of that.

So I've left poor Chulo alone, after only ...-counts-... 15 days of cohabitation, to fend for himself among the sea of boxes that is our foyer. And according to him, he's gotten a lot of work done. I admit I'm a little frightened, because I'm soooo anal about what goes where, but I'm thankful that he's taken the initiative, because really, it's been 2 weeks and the place is still a wreck... it's just been so hectic! But also, he's a good-natured sort, so if I move things around a different way, he's pretty likely to go with it. See, that's one of the things I love about him. I need someone who just goes with the flow -- being such an uppity and precise person myself.

Which reminds me of something that Mom and I were just talking about. People in relationships and how they act and who they are. And I said that one of the things that irks me is when people say that their significant other "completes" them. Because I think, if you're not a whole person, you don't have much business trying to make a lasting relationship with anyone other than yourself. I don't think the answer is to have someone else finish your story; I think it's finding someone who can tell a different side of the same story. I think Chulo is a good complement to me -- we both have strong personalities but we're strong in different areas, and we pick up each other's slack. But I don't think he completes me and I don't need him to make my life more complete. I want him, to make my life more happy, maybe more stable. But not more complete.

That said, I think we've all come to terms with my sister's marriage. I'm not sure that either of them was (or is) a complete person, but they've chosen to bond themselves in marriage and that's a commitment that I'm not sure I thought she was capable of until I watched her do it. I'm immensely proud of her and happy that she's finding her way, and happy that she's got someone who's committed to her to help her find it. And I think she'll help him too. And what else can a girl want for her sister, really?

Oh PS the wedding was a perfect disaster. I almost didn't make it, they brought the wrong flowers, the officiant was a drunken klutz, they lost her wedding music, and we had to rush out of the reception after 5 minutes because they started so late and I was going to miss my plane. Which I missed anyway, and instead sat in the airport for 5 hours with Chulo (because he changed his reservation so that I wouldn't have to wait alone -- isn't he fantastic?), when we could have been at the wedding instead. But their vows were lovely and she was beautiful and it was a very happy occasion, I got to see friends and family that I don't see very often, and my sister was happy (well, she was a total stressball, but she was happy), and all was good in the world.

Let it be known, however, that I am boycotting Carnival Cruise Lines for the rest of my life. And I would never in a million years suggest to anyone that they choose that particular venue for their nuptials.

Wedding planners have a (I think) fairly simple, but exceptionally important job. I know a lot of people might read that and say, "now Jmai, how can you possibly think that planning a wedding is simple? That takes a lot of work!" Well, while I agree that it's a lot of work, I think it precisely thusly: people with jobs like "wedding planner" are people who probably really enjoy what they do. They're (ostensibly) good at throwing parties, planning details, and arranging pretty things. They're most likely romantics who, when the wedding date finally arrives, feel a sense of pride in their work, but also a sense of pride in the marriage itself, as if they've groomed the bride (hehe, that's kinda funny... "groomed" the bride ... anyway) for this day, and not only the bride but the whole event is sort of their progeny. When you enjoy your job this much, it's just not that hard to do, because you're looking forward to the end result as much as, if not more than, anyone else. It's not like people who just do what their bosses tell them to do without taking any ownership of the end product. This is the fruit of your many months effort, and it's beautiful. And if you enjoy what you're doing, and you're good at it -- well, it's just not that hard. And if you're still not convinced, then let me say it this way: I would probably pay people to let me arrange their events for them, instead of the other way round. I am awesome at throwing parties and planning galas. For the big events, yes, absolutely, it's an ordeal. I will change my mind about a single detail several times, I will bicker with vendors and boss around the helpers, and I will cry just before the whole things kicks off, for nothing but sheer nerves. It's stressful at times, it takes a lot of attention to detail and a lot of planning. But not for nothing? If you're not detail-oriented and you're crap at planning, you're in the wrong business. The way I see it, the hardest part of a wedding planner's job is dealing with the bridezillas.

Anyway the whole point of that long-ass paragraph is, I don't know who messed up where, but somewhere between Carnival and the wedding planner, someone dropped the ball on this wedding. Big time. Which is just ... it's criminal. Incompetent people should not be allowed anywhere near weddings. Hopefully, people do this only once in their lives. It should be perfect. You should not bring the wrong flowers at the last minute, or have the guests show up 2 hours early. You should spell the groom's name right.

I am totally off from where I intended this post to be and I'm feeling a bit like Sass.

Wow, I just saved this to draft and noticed that its the 26th. Which is my parents' 36th wedding anniversary. In all the tumult of the accident and the being mad for not telling us about the accident and the last minute travel and the worrying, I forgot.

Right, so... giving up on the idea of routine. What I was going to talk about was the adjustment of living together and the story of the moving in, and then give some updates on work and yadayada ... but then I went off on this tangent about incompetent wedding planners and now it's 2:30 in the morning and I'm sleepy. Anyway it's boring. Suffice it to say that I'm happy. That's really all that matters, right?

Nightnight little bloggers.


Blogger DZER said...

first, biotches! booyah!

6/26/2006 04:34:00 AM  
Blogger DZER said...

sorry that your routine has been messed with, but glad to hear your mom is doing well.

hope that cha-cha-chulo isn't totally reinventing your space; should be a fun first day back.

and now I REALLY want to groom a bride ;)

6/26/2006 04:36:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Dude...that just woke me up. Scary shit. Glad she is OK. She has gone through so much in the last few years. She's a bloody trooper.

Let me know if you need anything.



6/26/2006 06:56:00 AM  
Blogger JMai said...

Dzer -- I don't have too much blog traffic so I'm not sure being first to comment on mine is much to booyah about. But I love that you did anyway -s-

Butt -- Yeah, it wasn't very welcome news. But she's doing ok, recovering very well, and we're having a grand old time hanging out together in our jammies and watching movies and yapping and such.

6/26/2006 03:43:00 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Keep us posted on your Mom. Hope she's recovering wll. I'm sure you had a routine, or routine things in your life, we all do, but now your routine is changing, and that makes all of us a little off balance.

6/27/2006 07:00:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

see and that's how i post so often *grin*

i really liked this post and i totally agree about the wedding planner

i'm not sure i cuold do anything but ride mine like the bitch she would feel like... but i'm fucking picky.

or i'd pick someone whose stuff i just loved and totally ignore them. but that takes trust.

6/27/2006 02:29:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

Phil -- She's doing pretty well, all things considered. She's been yapping on the phone pretty much nonstop, so that's a good sign.

I did have a routine, when I had a normal job. But since I've left that job, there is no such thing as routine... which is a blessing, considering the wedding and the move and the accident. I'll get back into routine soon. I hope.

Sass -- Thank you! I think if I ever get married, I wouldn't use a wedding planner. I'm too precise to leave those kinds of details up to someone else's discretion. I'd have to do it myself and leave some details up to my mom and sister -- people that I know I can boss around without any remorse because they know just how I am!

6/27/2006 03:57:00 PM  
Blogger terry said...

glad to hear your mom is okay. yikes.

and on the whole issue of someone else completing you? amen!

and i think some people never become whole.

7/02/2006 02:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where did you find it? Interesting read »

2/22/2007 09:42:00 PM  

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