Speak Now or Forever Hold My Peace

So my sister is getting married.

And yeah, really no one is excited about it. Not even the happy couple, I don't think.

Apparently, it's wedding season. First, there was me shopping in Target the other day. I LOVE their "dollar spot" section, with all the cute seasonal stuff for a dollar? Anyway, there were all these little do-it-yourself wedding favours like frames and candles and things. AND, these cutesy little baseball caps with "Maid of Honour," "Bachelorette" and "Bridesmaid" printed on them in pretty script italic font. Then, there was Nat's post about the engagement rings... and so then I just couldn't get the whole thing out of my mind so now I've booked my flight and invited el Chulo and he booked his flight and now all there is left to do is lament.

Anyway I saw those hats in Target and I about had a breakdown in the middle of the store, because since *I* am the maid of honour, it occurred to me that *I* was supposed to have planned a bridal shower by now! So I called my mom all annoyed and freaked out and she of course thought I was overreacting because she generally dislikes these American traditions where it's really not about much of anything other than a discreet way to ask for more gifts. I mean, it's nice to get all your girlfriends together and giggle over lingerie and play the silly games but you know... I could just throw a party and giggle with my girlfriends anytime... these things are really just about cleaning out the registry list. And my sister isn't registered anyway, because she lives in NYC and her apartment is barely big enough to hold her, the shiftless fiance and the couch, let alone gravy boats and mother-of-pearl handled vegetable spoons and casual AND fine china in some ghastly pattern. So.

I decided to play it all nonchalant-like and called up Lil Sis to say "So, what are we doing about your bridal shower?" To which her response was, "What bridal shower? Isn't that just an excuse to get more gifts?" So amazingly, somehow, I got a get-out-of-throwing-a-bridal-shower-free card because my sister doesn't want one so I am relieved of my maid of honour duty on that one. I feel kind of guilty about it, but then her point is well-taken: she doesn't have loads of friends and it really is just an excuse to get more gifts anyway so why bother flying all the way up there to arrange a party that no one will attend? Sometimes (and I do mean sometimes) my sister is very reasonable and matter-of-fact about things.

Then there are the other times. Like deciding to marry The Fiance.

Okay look, he isn't a bad guy. He's quite good-looking, he's actually quite smart (though you certainly can't tell from his speech patterns), and he's a nice person. But they are just a bad couple. No one likes him (for her), no one wants them to get married... and yet, 5 years after he slipped a silver-and-amethyst ring (and make no mistake -- that thing is silver. NOT platinum) on her finger, they are due to wed. On a boat. In front of a guest list that, as I understand it, mainly consists of her bosses and other office mates.

Oh, and my father? Uber-traditional, breeding-is-everything, stiff upper lip, good Coptic boy? Well... let's put it like this. The Fiance thought he would get brownie points if he did like dad-in-law did way back when, so he took my parents out to dinner and officially asked for my sister's hand in marriage. Except dad-in-law's answer was precisely thus:

"If I say no, you're just going to do it anyway. So what's the difference?"

Niiiiice.

Actually he boycotted the wedding. Or he tried to. Thankfully Mom smacked some sense into him and this, ladies and germs, is why they are getting married on a boat, instead of in a church. Yeahhhhh, on a boat. Hey, did I mention they were getting married on a boat? Right. Because Dad's reasoning was, we have to invite every family member tracing all the way back to the time of the Sphinx, but they all live far away so they won't come and see my daughter marry a black man! Seriously? There is no end to the fuckedupiness of this wedding.

See, that's Dad's issue. He's a racist. I love him with all my heart, he is a wonderful, brilliant, generous, sensitive man and the best father a girl could ask for. And he has no objection to black people (or Asians, or little green martian men) until they want to date his daughters. Except Lil Sis? Yeah... all she dates is black men. Or I should say all she used to date, before hooking up with shiftless, no-job Fiance. She does it just to be rebellious... I think because growing up, she was always The Good Kid. -sigh-

I could go on and on about why they are not a good couple. But the main thing is, they don't challenge each other. At all. They bicker constantly but it's not that "ahh! you drive me crazy but ohmyGOD I love you anyway!" kind of bickering. There is no spark. They just exist, side by side... mainly, I think, because they're both too complacent to bother looking for happiness elsewhere, because what they have is "enough." It's like a lifetime of enablement awaits.

I love my sister, and I want her to be happy, so if this is what she wants, I will stand up beside her (on the boat) on her wedding day and hold her bouquet and smile for pictures. But I'm so sad about the gigantic step she's about to take, because I know she's doing it for all the wrong reasons.

Well. I could be wrong. Here's hoping.