For the Teabag in All of Us

Not that kind of teabag. Don't be gross.

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Location: South Florida, United States

If I go about this properly, the blog will (eventually) explain enough about me, so let me just explain the blog, or at least the title of it, here:

"A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Sunday, March 19, 2006


I need to buy some sunscreen. I still have some of the 15 I bought in Cancun but that's too strong for the March Florida sun. Of course, my other option is to go out with no sunscreen, which is precisely what I did today... and of course now I have supplemented my fading tan with a bit of pink. It's not a proper burn and it will be gone by the morning but I should know better.

But it was GORGEOUS out and we've already discussed how I enjoy being tan. So.

My question is, why is it that when it rains, it's gotta pour? It just seems so unfair. There is either drought, or monsoon. What am I talking about, you ask? Well! There is a new boy. He's lovely, very kind, very respectful, VERY good kisser. Cute little bald head (but not bald like SFSG awho-horhay bald... that is to say, he shaves his head). I'm excited that for the first time in months, I really like someone that I've met -- because, if you've been keeping up, all the others have just been "eh.... he's nice, but..." and I just haven't been feeling it.


(Thank you again your Sassiness, for the brilliant period idea to segue from one day to the next! )

So I wrote that last bit (up to the period) on Sunday night and now it's Tuesday and WOW I am such a bad blogger. Fuck all, not like I have so many interesting things to say.

Oh PS I was right -- pinkishness was gone by the morning and replaced by a lovely glowy tan. This is perhaps the best reason to live in South Florida, folks... perennial glowy skin. And shut up about the skin cancer, all you naysayers.

I finally made it back to the gym tonight. Andrea was gentle with me, which is good, because I haven't been in several weeks and I swear it was all I could do just to drag my butt there tonight. I will pack my gym bag again tomorrow and plan to do some cardio... but... yeah, we'll see.

Also, I just watched "Just Like Heaven" with Mark Ruffalo (whom I lovelovelove, with his lopsided grin and eversoslight lisp) and Reese Witherspoon...and it was so cute and I cried like a baby. But the kicker of this movie? That weird kid from Napoleon Dynamite is in it and he's not exactly cute but he doesn't look like a gangly reject from the 4H Club. Movie makeup is amazing shit.

Anyway, so the new boy. I really like him a lot, and I'm looking forward to seeing him again. Except then I FINALLY met someone who seemed worthwhile from eharmony... like I said, when it rains, it pours (for me, two boys at once -- not including the other two that I have just had to have "the talk" with, so they totally don't count -- is a storm). So far, eharmony has been a tremendous waste of money. Look, I know most men are not into the fat chicks and that's ok -- because I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't find me attractive, you know? But some days the whole situation just makes me laugh because I have my photos set to be released only after a certain level of communication, and very often I get match requests from these guys who I do not find in the least attractive, but I am trying to be as open-minded as possible so I go through the whole rigamarole with them anyway, and then they get to the point where they can see my photos and they close the match. And I'm not mad or anything (though I admit I was hurt in the beginning), but I'm just thinking to myself... ok... you know.... it's not like you're Colin fucking Firth or Andy Garcia or anything... but I was willing to check you out. Man! It just pisses me off, and I think it's most damaging to my pride but what the fuck, that's what this whole dating game is about I guess. Squeeze the tomatoes, Momma Jmai used to say. Christ, she still says it. AND she wants grandkids. Woman is going to be the death of me I think.

Right. So I met this guy who saw the photos and was all "I like meat on my women" and he was quite cute and I thought we had a nice clicky kind of thing going on when we talked on the phone so I met him for coffee and now? Haven't heard a peep from him. I thought I made it clear that it's OK not to be into me but that if that's the case, just let me know. So, nothing. He was cute, too. Good job. Local. Ah well.

And then back to the other new boy? The one I was on about before mentioning eharmony guy (I'm laughing because I always type "eharmoney" and I'm wondering if it's a side effect of my job following me home, or if it's a freudian slip kinda thing cause that site is expensive!)... right, him. So he's also very cute and very nice and we talk a lot and I enjoy his company and NO I have not slept with him!!

So I feel like I am starting a relationship with this guy but now I've been so .... conditioned, I guess is the right word... by the online dating business that I feel like I'm always supposed to be looking out for the next best thing coming around the corner. Which is not to say that I think I would be settling for this guy, just that I have talked to and met so many people recently and haven't until now had any desire to just stop and say... ok, this is it... I'm going to take the money and run, no going for the million-dollar question.

At this rate, I am NEVER giving poor old mom those grandkids that she's always on about. Someone knock some sense into me!


Blogger Natalia said...

First comment snoopydance!!!!


3/22/2006 04:27:00 PM  
Blogger Natalia said... that's out of the way... Hehehe.. Squeeze the tomatoes... I love your mum, she is full of wisdom and can dispense it in the funniest of ways.

I liked new boy. He seemed kind and respectfu, which is more than you can say for lots of blokes. Ans he was keen, which always helps.

You guys had 3 dates in 3 days...I think that speaks for itself.

Eharmony sucks to day I will blog about who they paired me up's funny!

And I think one should give people a chance surely. But your whole bollockas about there has to be something wrong with you that you keep turning people down is just that...bolock becuase I think it's great to be able to be discerning. That's what happens when you grow stop dating people that are wrong for you..well maybe not totally but you start being more picky and that's good.

Ans once you meet someone...give that relationship the chance to blossom. But if you don't have any commitment, you are indeed free to date, right?

Ahhh such complex issues.

Damn I am verbose.


3/22/2006 04:32:00 PM  
Blogger da buttah said...

i think online dating is just the most superficial thing in the world...and i'm guilty of it too

i scroll on down and look at a guys height before i even read what he has to say about it, and if your pic isn't good? forget it, i won't even look at you.

in the end, see what happens with the new guy..but nothing is ever set in stone, so keep the ol options open :)

ps: i'm always tan and i live in the tundra of ohio =P

3/22/2006 09:05:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

Butt -- Snoopydances of all sorts are welcome here anytime.

Eharmony is a pain...I will not be renewing my subscription when it ends next month, for several reasons. Not the least of which is because it looks like I'm starting a relationship?

I'm glad you liked him... I didn't think you did. Yes I am free to date whomever as we have not discussed commitment and I don't really want to yet... too soon.

Elle -- Online dating is just about as superficial as any other sort, you're right. Which is partly why I specifically chose to withhold my photos for a while and I wish these guys would do the same. But at the end of the day, even if two people are perfect for each other on spiritual/mental/psychological levels, if there's no chemistry, it'll never work.

How do you stay so tan? Fake-n-bake?

3/22/2006 09:58:00 PM  
Blogger DZER said...

knock some sense into you? or knock you up?


I'm not going to attempt to post advice here ... I a loser at love, thus far.

let me just wish you all the best of luck and karma :)

3/23/2006 08:00:00 AM  
Blogger da buttah said...

not a big fan of the fake-n-bake..

i got my grandpa's skin tone...always pretty dark...for a whitey.

3/23/2006 11:24:00 AM  
Blogger Natalia said...

See how good I was about NOT talking about SKIN CANCER.

And I am really thinking this summer I am gonna try the spray tan thingy.

Why not?


3/23/2006 11:36:00 AM  
Blogger JMai said...

Dz -- I think right now, Mom might just be happy with a good ol' knock-up. But thanks for the good love luck! I surely need it!

Elle -- You're lucky. I have my dad's skin tone but only really with a tan. Does that make any sense? Like I am not pink-pale like my mom is... it's like I got my dad's skin tone but it goes all pale on me unless I'm in the sun... which is why it looks like crap... which is why I'm so happy to be tan! My trainer commented on it twice today cause I wore a yellow tank to the gym. It just LOOKS better, more natural. It's weird.

Butt -- yeah you were good about it until JUST NOW! Dork! I don't know about that spray tan thing but like you said... why not? Go for it!

3/23/2006 08:37:00 PM  
Blogger terry said...

remember when everyone thought online dating was so cool because it was supposedly all about who you really are, as opposed to what you look like?


what a load of crap. it really IS all about the picture, nine times out of ten...

but it makes me smile to read that you've met someone you really like...

what else makes me smile? mark ruffalo. yum.

3/23/2006 10:15:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

1 you're welcome
2 until you're fucking or you have the talk you're free to date other people. i draw the line at actual sex, at that point you're sort of being skanky to be dating multiple folks.

that said, if you're on date four with someone you can put the stall on anyone else for a week or two right?

do what makes you feel good and doesn't hurt anyone else. be honest and joyful and approach with sincerity and an open heart.

then no matter what it's the right thing.

3/24/2006 01:33:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

god i'm a preachy bitch.

and yeah it's superficial but whatev.

i've met lots of men online, but not a one from a dating site.

3/24/2006 01:37:00 AM  
Blogger Alice said...

i loooove me some spray tans! because as whitey mcwhiterson? i don't tan, just burn. super.

the superficiality of online dating is what attracts me! when else in life do you get to indulge your judgemental, superficial side with no repercussions?? too short? next! too ugly? next! too little hair? next! and since you never have to meet/talk to those people you skip over, you're not actually judging them as people blah blah blah... :-)

3/24/2006 12:52:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

Terry -- The new guy and how happy I am to be into someone finally makes me smile too.

With relationships, online or off makes no always comes down to physical chemistry... it just has to. So I don't blame anyone.

Remember Teach? What a fantastic guy. Except yeah... he's shorter than I am, and I can't deal with that. I tried, I really tried... but I just couldn't get excited about the idea of being intimate with him. So it's over.

Relationship success requires such a balance of so many qualities. What works here won't work there, and so forth.

PS Mark Ruffalo makes me smile too!

3/24/2006 09:40:00 PM  
Blogger JMai said...

I don't know why I posted before I was done answering everyone.

Sass -- Not sleeping with him, so I guess I'm free but he did sorta try to have the talk with me the other night and also he put this cute update on his profile that says "I met a kind and beautiful woman on this site so I wish you the same good luck!"

Which is so cute I just want to kiss him.

But I sorta skirted the whole talk thing...more because I'm still in that you-have-to-earn-my-affection stage that I always put men through in the beginning. I don't know why I do this; it's really subconscious. But I think he will be bringing it up again soon and then I will have to either commit or not and I'm thinking that at that time I will likely commit. He's a good guy and I really like him.

As for the relationship back-burner... I find that kind of difficult to do. Maybe it's all in my head, but it seems like the men I meet want to monopolise my time, so it's hard to juggle them. Even during just the "getting to know you" stage I confuse them sometimes... I said to the biker dude a few weeks ago "oh right, because you're afraid of heights" and he said "well yeah but how did you know that?" Well I didn't know that; I'd just confused him with one of the others who also happens to be afraid of heights. Oops.

Alice -- What I like best about online dating is talking to the complete FREAKS who always seem to find me. It's an interesting way to break up the monotony of "so what do you like to do for fun?" conversations.

3/24/2006 09:49:00 PM  
Blogger terry said...

god, you're SO right about the balance thing.
and chemistry is just hard to find, period. it's even harder to detect through a photo. but i also am the world's least photogenic person, so what do i know??

3/24/2006 10:45:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a great story. Waiting for more. »

2/20/2007 11:22:00 PM  

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