For the Teabag in All of Us

Not that kind of teabag. Don't be gross.

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Location: South Florida, United States

If I go about this properly, the blog will (eventually) explain enough about me, so let me just explain the blog, or at least the title of it, here:

"A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Thursday, June 29, 2006

More business

So. After just about a month of consulting (which consisted of less work and more attending to personal matters, including some much-needed down time), I've been offered a job. And I don't know if I should take it or not.

On the one hand, it's a great offer. It's for a company that I think is ... well, probably in a little bit of a mess, regulatorily-speaking, but not so deeply in that I can't get it into the green with a little hard work. It's for a Chief officer position, which is totally scary because I've never been the boss before, but I've been thinking, and I think I've done a lot in the second string seat ...not to say that there isn't still plenty I could learn in a deputy's position, but it would be hard to learn much more at that level, in a holistic sense (which is what I would want), especially down here as there aren't too many companies of the appropriate size and structure to need that kind of person at that level.

On the other hand -- oh the responsibility! It's not the workload I mind. I have no problem with the work, it's the liability I don't like. What if I screw up (and I WILL screw up)?

It's such a hassle because our employment record follows us everywhere. I know that's everyone generally speaking, but in brokerage it's very public. If you don't know what I mean by that, let me explain this way: if you ever get a cold call from a broker wanting to sell you some stock, you can investigate the broker's background by running his record through the NASD's public site. This won't give you (as a member of the general public) ALL of the information about this broker, but it will tell you where he's worked and whether he has any disciplinary history. Now, the site that employers have access to is much more detailed. What I'm basically trying to say is that most people can fudge a bit on their resumes. They can leave a job off if they only worked there for a few months, and extend the job immediately prior to get rid of the gap. Registered people (like me) can't do that, because all of our jobs go into that database. And if you have too much job jumping? It's like an automatic blackball.

Also? If some customer decides he's pissed that his broker took him for a ride? Very often he'll submit a complaint and name not only the broker, but all the broker's supervisors, up to and including -- yep you got it -- the chief of compliance. And if customer wins? There goes my clean record. I mean, it's all hypothetical and based on several "if" scenarios. But still it exists, and with much higher possibility than before.

And on yet another hand (bear with me as I morph into a three-handed, self-doubting, pajama-wearing creature), there is the fact that ...um, what about consulting? Now this really deserves its own hand, because I'm just starting to get out there and garner clients and it's been a real learning experience thus far. But while it's great to work for yourself and without any real liability (and no public records!), I'm not terribly self-motivated, so given the choice, I will frequently opt to stay in PJs or go out shopping or swimming, rather than work. Also, I haven't had the time to organise myself and my fledgling sole proprietorship, and even if I had, what if I never get another client? There's always the possibility of going weeks without a client. And yes the good part is I can charge enough to make up for the difference, but the bad part is, what if a new client never comes along?

Now they've agreed to let me keep the business as long as I don't take on any clients that would present a conflict of interest -- which of course I wouldn't. So I can use my spare time (ha!) to organise as an entity, figure out marketing plans, decide if I'll partner up with someone or a few someones, or go it alone. That freedom is a key factor weighing heavily for taking the job.

I'm just scared to step it up. Ugh. How can work suck this much out of you when you're not even making a paycheck??

Monday, June 26, 2006

business as usual

I think I'm going to just give up on the idea of life becoming routine anytime soon. I know most people cringe at the concept of routine, but it's something that, especially as I get older, I find I appreciate and possibly even need. Which is not to say that veering from the routine isn't just as necessary at times, but I think it's nice if you have a routine to veer from, rather than constantly trying to find a routine in the hectic disorder of your life.

So I'm back in New York tonight. Wasn't I just here, you ask? Why yes, yes I was! But my presence was needed again, because Mama Jmai managed to land her silly self in the hospital after a pretty bad car accident and had to have spinal surgery -- pretty scary stuff. The worst part? For some inconceivable reason, no one wanted to tell me or Lil Sis -- and she only found out by chance, because she called up and wanted to talk to Mom ...and well, she wasn't around. They didn't want to worry us. Can you imagine! Because really... knowing that you would even consider keeping something like a secret is the thing that worries ME. Ayyy.

Anyway, Dad's got a court date out of town and someone needs to keep watch over poor Mom (whose surgery, thankfully, was a success -- but she's still very slow getting around and shouldn't be left to fend for herself), so here I am. Even considering the circumstances, it was nice to have the whole family (all 4 of us -- talk about nuclear) together without the significant others. I love my Chulo (and Lil Sis loves hers), and I love the way my family loves him, but there's something very nostalgic and fundamental when it's just us. Mom and I stayed up late tonight talking, and I don't get to do that with her that often, so I'm glad to be here. Even though I'd like to shake some sense into her (probably not too wise, considering the spinal surgery and all), and make her promise never to drive again (this isn't her first accident; she's only had two but they've both been doozies), it's an excuse to spend quality time and we just don't get enough of that.

So I've left poor Chulo alone, after only ...-counts-... 15 days of cohabitation, to fend for himself among the sea of boxes that is our foyer. And according to him, he's gotten a lot of work done. I admit I'm a little frightened, because I'm soooo anal about what goes where, but I'm thankful that he's taken the initiative, because really, it's been 2 weeks and the place is still a wreck... it's just been so hectic! But also, he's a good-natured sort, so if I move things around a different way, he's pretty likely to go with it. See, that's one of the things I love about him. I need someone who just goes with the flow -- being such an uppity and precise person myself.

Which reminds me of something that Mom and I were just talking about. People in relationships and how they act and who they are. And I said that one of the things that irks me is when people say that their significant other "completes" them. Because I think, if you're not a whole person, you don't have much business trying to make a lasting relationship with anyone other than yourself. I don't think the answer is to have someone else finish your story; I think it's finding someone who can tell a different side of the same story. I think Chulo is a good complement to me -- we both have strong personalities but we're strong in different areas, and we pick up each other's slack. But I don't think he completes me and I don't need him to make my life more complete. I want him, to make my life more happy, maybe more stable. But not more complete.

That said, I think we've all come to terms with my sister's marriage. I'm not sure that either of them was (or is) a complete person, but they've chosen to bond themselves in marriage and that's a commitment that I'm not sure I thought she was capable of until I watched her do it. I'm immensely proud of her and happy that she's finding her way, and happy that she's got someone who's committed to her to help her find it. And I think she'll help him too. And what else can a girl want for her sister, really?

Oh PS the wedding was a perfect disaster. I almost didn't make it, they brought the wrong flowers, the officiant was a drunken klutz, they lost her wedding music, and we had to rush out of the reception after 5 minutes because they started so late and I was going to miss my plane. Which I missed anyway, and instead sat in the airport for 5 hours with Chulo (because he changed his reservation so that I wouldn't have to wait alone -- isn't he fantastic?), when we could have been at the wedding instead. But their vows were lovely and she was beautiful and it was a very happy occasion, I got to see friends and family that I don't see very often, and my sister was happy (well, she was a total stressball, but she was happy), and all was good in the world.

Let it be known, however, that I am boycotting Carnival Cruise Lines for the rest of my life. And I would never in a million years suggest to anyone that they choose that particular venue for their nuptials.

Wedding planners have a (I think) fairly simple, but exceptionally important job. I know a lot of people might read that and say, "now Jmai, how can you possibly think that planning a wedding is simple? That takes a lot of work!" Well, while I agree that it's a lot of work, I think it precisely thusly: people with jobs like "wedding planner" are people who probably really enjoy what they do. They're (ostensibly) good at throwing parties, planning details, and arranging pretty things. They're most likely romantics who, when the wedding date finally arrives, feel a sense of pride in their work, but also a sense of pride in the marriage itself, as if they've groomed the bride (hehe, that's kinda funny... "groomed" the bride ... anyway) for this day, and not only the bride but the whole event is sort of their progeny. When you enjoy your job this much, it's just not that hard to do, because you're looking forward to the end result as much as, if not more than, anyone else. It's not like people who just do what their bosses tell them to do without taking any ownership of the end product. This is the fruit of your many months effort, and it's beautiful. And if you enjoy what you're doing, and you're good at it -- well, it's just not that hard. And if you're still not convinced, then let me say it this way: I would probably pay people to let me arrange their events for them, instead of the other way round. I am awesome at throwing parties and planning galas. For the big events, yes, absolutely, it's an ordeal. I will change my mind about a single detail several times, I will bicker with vendors and boss around the helpers, and I will cry just before the whole things kicks off, for nothing but sheer nerves. It's stressful at times, it takes a lot of attention to detail and a lot of planning. But not for nothing? If you're not detail-oriented and you're crap at planning ...um, you're in the wrong business. The way I see it, the hardest part of a wedding planner's job is dealing with the bridezillas.

Anyway the whole point of that long-ass paragraph is, I don't know who messed up where, but somewhere between Carnival and the wedding planner, someone dropped the ball on this wedding. Big time. Which is just ... it's criminal. Incompetent people should not be allowed anywhere near weddings. Hopefully, people do this only once in their lives. It should be perfect. You should not bring the wrong flowers at the last minute, or have the guests show up 2 hours early. You should spell the groom's name right.

I am totally off from where I intended this post to be and I'm feeling a bit like Sass.

Wow, I just saved this to draft and noticed that its the 26th. Which is my parents' 36th wedding anniversary. In all the tumult of the accident and the being mad for not telling us about the accident and the last minute travel and the worrying, I forgot.

Right, so... giving up on the idea of routine. What I was going to talk about was the adjustment of living together and the story of the moving in, and then give some updates on work and yadayada ... but then I went off on this tangent about incompetent wedding planners and now it's 2:30 in the morning and I'm sleepy. Anyway it's boring. Suffice it to say that I'm happy. That's really all that matters, right?

Nightnight little bloggers.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Is it... naww... could it be...?

Oh yes, peoples... it's a new post. Holy crap, I know. But we just got back from dinner with a couple of couples (expensive but oh so yummy!) and Chulo is roaming around doing this and that, so I have a leeeetle bit of down time... and I thought I would post. And then I thought...

Y oh Y did Dzer give me the letter Y?


Well, to be fair, I asked for a letter. So the tag works thusly (copied verbatim from Dzer's own H meme -- I certainly hope there's no copyrighting on any of that stuff!): You get a letter assigned to you, and you have to come up with 10 words that begin with that letter and then give your thoughts on them. As you can see, my letter is "Y."

So, that said....

    Yogurt -- something I eat on a regular basis. Tastes best in the blender with ice and fresh fruit, or peanut butter and a dash of vanilla extract.

    Yawn -- the common misconception is that people do this when they're tired. Now I'm not really sure, but I believe that this is only half true. I read somewhere that people yawn when their brains needs more oxygen, which I guess may or may not indicate sleepiness. But science never really was my strong suit.

    Ylang-ylang -- some kind of floral scent. Popularised by Jack of Will & Grace in the following exchange:
    Jack (holding out his wrist for Will to sniff): I'm just using your tub. And your ylang-ylang. Do ya like ya like?

    Yeshua -- just another crazy name for Jesus. This one's a little too controversial for me to expound upon any further, but ... y'know, he gave me Y. Bear with me.

    Yay -- something I say all the time. It's very cute and endearing, and if you're really lucky, I'll say it while simultaneously balling my hands into fists which I wave around my head and giving you a big kool-aid smile

    Youth -- something that is rapidly leaving me behind. Also a song (and album) by Matisyahu.

    Yeti -- a fancy name for the Abominable Snowman. Big, fuzzy fantastical creature of the snowy mountaintops of Nepal and such.

    Yoni -- direct from merriam-webster.com: a stylized representation of the female genitalia symbolizing the feminine principle in Hindu cosmology. I admit I only came upon this one because I was running out of Y words and so I typed a nonsense word beginning with Y into the m-w search engine and yoni was one that came up and looked as if it might be promising. As you can see, it was.

    Y'uchti -- phonetic spelling of the Arabic word that translates to "my sister." Egyptian women say this all the time, whether the person to whom they're speaking is or is not in fact their sister. Sort of a term of endearment but more just a casual form of address.

    Yoga -- something I should do more often, as I was getting quite good at it at one point. Also I sorta wanted to round out the selection with a word close to the one I began with. Yay me! -gestures-


Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Sleepy...

...is the only appropriate word to describe me this week.

I've got loads of work to do AND Chulo is moving this weekend (YAY) so I'm not too sure when promised new post will appear, but I am peeking in on your blogs for brief snatches of entertainment between running from here to there. I don't have time to comment but I'm still popping in!

Will post updates soon. For now... nightnight, little bloggies.

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