More business

So. After just about a month of consulting (which consisted of less work and more attending to personal matters, including some much-needed down time), I've been offered a job. And I don't know if I should take it or not.

On the one hand, it's a great offer. It's for a company that I think is ... well, probably in a little bit of a mess, regulatorily-speaking, but not so deeply in that I can't get it into the green with a little hard work. It's for a Chief officer position, which is totally scary because I've never been the boss before, but I've been thinking, and I think I've done a lot in the second string seat ...not to say that there isn't still plenty I could learn in a deputy's position, but it would be hard to learn much more at that level, in a holistic sense (which is what I would want), especially down here as there aren't too many companies of the appropriate size and structure to need that kind of person at that level.

On the other hand -- oh the responsibility! It's not the workload I mind. I have no problem with the work, it's the liability I don't like. What if I screw up (and I WILL screw up)?

It's such a hassle because our employment record follows us everywhere. I know that's everyone generally speaking, but in brokerage it's very public. If you don't know what I mean by that, let me explain this way: if you ever get a cold call from a broker wanting to sell you some stock, you can investigate the broker's background by running his record through the NASD's public site. This won't give you (as a member of the general public) ALL of the information about this broker, but it will tell you where he's worked and whether he has any disciplinary history. Now, the site that employers have access to is much more detailed. What I'm basically trying to say is that most people can fudge a bit on their resumes. They can leave a job off if they only worked there for a few months, and extend the job immediately prior to get rid of the gap. Registered people (like me) can't do that, because all of our jobs go into that database. And if you have too much job jumping? It's like an automatic blackball.

Also? If some customer decides he's pissed that his broker took him for a ride? Very often he'll submit a complaint and name not only the broker, but all the broker's supervisors, up to and including -- yep you got it -- the chief of compliance. And if customer wins? There goes my clean record. I mean, it's all hypothetical and based on several "if" scenarios. But still it exists, and with much higher possibility than before.

And on yet another hand (bear with me as I morph into a three-handed, self-doubting, pajama-wearing creature), there is the fact that ...um, what about consulting? Now this really deserves its own hand, because I'm just starting to get out there and garner clients and it's been a real learning experience thus far. But while it's great to work for yourself and without any real liability (and no public records!), I'm not terribly self-motivated, so given the choice, I will frequently opt to stay in PJs or go out shopping or swimming, rather than work. Also, I haven't had the time to organise myself and my fledgling sole proprietorship, and even if I had, what if I never get another client? There's always the possibility of going weeks without a client. And yes the good part is I can charge enough to make up for the difference, but the bad part is, what if a new client never comes along?

Now they've agreed to let me keep the business as long as I don't take on any clients that would present a conflict of interest -- which of course I wouldn't. So I can use my spare time (ha!) to organise as an entity, figure out marketing plans, decide if I'll partner up with someone or a few someones, or go it alone. That freedom is a key factor weighing heavily for taking the job.

I'm just scared to step it up. Ugh. How can work suck this much out of you when you're not even making a paycheck??