Guilty, Your Honour

Haha, a little courtroom humour from the lawyer chick.

Total random information before I begin this post -- last night I made the awesomest chili EVER in my trusty lil crockpot (well, I browned the meat and onions and garlic first, but whatever). I love my subscription to Cooking Light -- any chili lovers out there NEED to visit the website and look up the recipe for All-American Chili. It is fanfuckingtastic AND it will feed me for like... I dunno, a month? Luckily it freezes well. Best part? It calls for a cup of merlot and oh! now the bottle's open, I'll have to have a glass or two (anyway I used syrah - yummier).

Also, now that I'm putting up a new post, I am going to miss the happy bunny graphic I used in the last post. He makes me smile.

Ok moving on. The humbly confident hubris tagged me with the 5 Guilty Pleasures meme (yay I used a new word!). So:

1. Reminding people that I am a lawyer. Notice the first line of this post. I am always saying, "oh well, in the law, you do X" or throwing legal jargon into everyday conversations, and I am always reminding people that YES I am a lawyer! I don't actually like lawyers generally, but I do this ALL THE TIME NOW. I think it's because I'm so completely psyched that after waiting for many months, the arduous process of the background check (da-da-DUMMMmmm!) has ended and I happily cart around my Bar card and I have a real desire to sneak the letters "Esq." onto my automatic email signature at work. The truly sad part is, I haven't done it -- not because I think it would upset my boss, but because I don't like for people to know that I'm a lawyer right away. I prefer that they start talking nonsense to me about how the regulations say this or their rights are that and then it's all KAPOW I am lawyer chick, hear me cite! My favourite was a few months ago this lawyer called on behalf of one of his clients (who totally has no case) and it was SO CLEAR that he not only wasn't a securities lawyer, but actually did not know the first thing about how securities regs work... and after a while of him puffing his chest out, I said something like, "well... from one lawyer to another, I strongly suggest you get an experienced associate counsel on this, you know, someone familiar with the regulations" and you know he had to feel really stupid after that. Ok I am a bitch.

2. Online Personals. If you read my blog at all, you know that I have been surfing the lonely seas for a proper mate. But I honestly LOVE the online personals. I get off on the whole courtship dance, even with people that I do not find attractive ...it's so nice to be flattered and admired. I love talking to new people and learning about them, and I love the whole game that so many people play... I enjoy dissecting their profiles and trying to find the half-truths. The best is when Nat and I are on the same sites and someone will wink at her (or me) and then she'll tell me (or I'll tell her) to check out his profile and when I do, he sees that I've peeped him and then he'll send me (or her) a wink! -Giggle- ....it's so fucking funny.

3. Pajamas. I do not shop for dirty-ho outfits to go clubbing in, I'm not much of an accessories girl -- no matching purses, no costume jewellry. And as much as I adore shoes, I'm just not financially independent enough to blow hundreds of dollars on a single pair of shoes (though I once got a fantastic pair of white suede via spiga pumps on sale at Macy's for $90!). But one thing I not only love to buy but love to wear? Oh hell yah... pajamas. Cotton knit, drawstring waist, long ones, short ones, silky ones ... who cares, bring em on. If it's my birthday and you're not sure what you should get me -- you canNOT go wrong with pajamas.

4. Lazing. This pretty much ties in with pajamas, because what better to wear while lazing but one's PJs? My work week is pretty stressful so I really enjoy waking up late on saturday mornings, making a pot of coffee ALL for meeeeeeeeee, and just lounging. Whether I'm online, watching tele, reading ... doesn't matter. I love pajama days. At some point I will usually get up and do something, but those first few hours of the weekend ... those are sacred.

5. Stupid movies. You know those people who say, "oh my favourite movie is The Tailor of Panama" ... or The Constant Gardener, or Lost in Translation, or some other movie that you have to actually watch while simultaneously considering the moving pictures in front of you? Yeah, I'm not one of those people. I LOVE Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. I LOVE Bring it On. I LOVE The Emperor's New Groove, Miss Congeniality, and Drop Dead Fred. Actually, I finally rented the 40-Year Old Virgin and I was going to watch it tonight, until I saw hubris had tagged me. Don't get me wrong, the others are good movies too (well, except Lost in Translation which completely lost me in translation and I think I speak English quite well), and I love a good indie or foreign flick like The Station Agent, Monsoon Wedding, L'Auberge Espagnole or Todo Sobre Mi Madre. But stupid movies... you know, the ones you can watch overandoverandoverandover again and never get sick of the punch lines? So very me.

And PS Nat ... I am going to make your georgiaweezy ass watch Ferris Fucking Bueller's Day Off if it's the last thing I do on this earth.

Why are boys weird?

So I'm trying this new thing called dating...meaning that, for the first time in years, I'm trying to meet (or at least talk to) as many men as I can, even those that I normally would not be into, just to see what I like and what I don't, what I'm willing to sacrifice and what I cannot deal with, and just generally teach myself to STOP choosing all the wrong men ...and possibly find lasting love, husband, kids, dog in the process. But the only thing I'm finding is that I just do NOT understand how the other half lives. What is the deal with boys? Why are they so .... weird?? I will give some examples:

SFSG: You know all about this guy. Spent a great long weekend together, absolutely nothing wrong with him that I can see -- but we're missing that imperative, intangible something that a couple needs to make it work. He's back in Boston, but we still talk...he'll call or email, and we'll chat just like we did before "the visit." After he left, I was having some doubts as to whether I did the right thing by dismissing him so quickly. So when he called me on Tuesday night, I thought I'd bring up the issue of how he felt, since I didn't really give him a chance to make up his own mind about where we were headed. Basically, he said that he didn't think we should stop living our lives and it wasn't fair to a fledgling relationship to have the burden of this great distance between us. WHAT? Then what earthly reason could you possibly have had for flying alllllll the way down here on 3 days' notice? Was it just for sex? I mean, really? Do people travel in search of sex these days? But it can't have been just the sex, right? Because then why is he bothering to call me even after I've made it clear that I'm "just not that into him?" -Sigh-

Ok so then, THEN -- he calls me again, on Thursday night. Except I am on the phone with Suitor No. 2 (who I will call Teach, and who I will probably discuss in a mo...let's see where this goes). So I talk to SFSG for a minute, but then explain that I'm on the phone and I will call him back -- if not tonight, tomorrow. Now, maybe I shouldn't have added on that last part. Because maybe by doing so, I tipped him off to the fact that I was on the line with another potential suitor (which I was) and he felt that I was more interested in pursuing this one than I was in rehashing things with him (which I was). Anyway, of course I did NOT call him back that night, because I got off the phone with Teach at approx midnight and I was tired. So I called SFSG on my way to work the next morning -- voicemail. I left a message: "Sorry, hung up kinda late and was tired. Hey, I just passed a kid on the street wearing a Yankees jersey -- think I should pull over and beat his ass? Anyway, give me a call later." Nothing. Then tonight, on my way home from Yoli's, I called him again. Voicemail. Again. I hung up. No message.

I mean, is he now angry with me for choosing to talk to Teach rather than him? Not that he even knows who I was on the phone with, but I guess maybe he'd be upset that before "the visit" we'd spent every night talking together for hours and now that it's over (and we'd come to what I thought was a mutual agreement but I realise now was more unilateral... although not for nothing, if he was so into me wouldn't he fight for me?) I've chosen to put him on the telephonic back burner in favour of speaking with someone else?

See what I mean? Weird.

Orlando Guy: This guy is a fucking trip. I spoke to him on the phone for the first time a few weeks ago. Seems nice enough, definitely cute. Sort of boring to talk to on the phone, but sometimes it takes people a while to warm up, so I figured -- worth a shot, let's see whatcha got. So we talked a few times but then I kinda blew him off when I knew SFSG was on his way down, because I guess that's kinda like cheating in a weird, quasi-relationship sense. I never said -- listen, don't call me because I'm going to meet this other guy who is a much better conversationalist than you are -- but I did just let his calls go to voice mail and then I would call him back at times when I knew he wasn't available to answer, so it would look like I was making the effort (in case things didn't work out with SFSG... see, Orlando Guy was on the back burner, he just didn't know it). Anyway, as you all know, things did not work out with SFSG, so I decided to give OG a call. And it was a good call, and then we spoke a few times for about a week or so. Then he didn't call me. And I am one of those girls that takes note of who is calling whom... not because I believe it's a game, but because if I'm making all the effort, then I have to wonder how interested a guy is in me. And if he's not that interested, I don't really want to push myself on him, or otherwise exert effort that will ultimately be wasted. So I moved on. Then this morning, guess who decides to wake me up?

OG: How far are you from Fort Lauderdale and Cape Coral?
Me: I LIVE in Ft. Lauderdale. Cape Coral is on the west coast.
OG: Ohhhh yeahh, I got it confused with Fort Myers.
Me: Uh huh. Why do you ask?
OG: I'm on my way down to Cape Coral now to visit a friend and I was thinking that I could meet up with you for a while since you're so close.

Now, honestly... what did this guy think? That I was going to jump out of bed and prepare for a date with this guy who so gallantly gave me ... what... 12 hours' notice? Not bloody fucking likely! If he were staying with someone who lived next door to me, I doubt I would have agreeed to meet him. Dude... there is more to life than waiting for your ass to call me and sweep me off my feet, ok? So I basically told him off for thinking that it was ok to call, wake me up, and expect me to want to hook up with him when he hasn't even made the effort to call me in over a week. He actually had the nerve to say that it goes both ways. Yeah, this guy's done.

Poppit Guy: Seriously -- I met this guy ina poppit chatroom in 2003. Have you ever played the web game where you pop the little balloons and prizes come falling out and if you pop them all you get a whole bunch of points? Well, that's poppit. It sounds like the lamest game ever, and basically it is ...but it's mindless crap that I could do while sitting in class listening to lecture, so I used to play it frequently. And one day, this guy started yapping at me in the gameroom, I don't even know why. I was living in Spain at the time, but he was local (and still is), and used to tease me about hooking up for drinks when I got back to the States. He has been web-stalking me ever since. It's so weird. I cannot count how many times I've turned him down, how many men I've dated since he first asked me out... and every once in a blue, he comes out of the woodwork and starts all over again. Today, he got lucky. I was in a friendly mood, I happen to be single, and so I agreed to go out with him. I have my doubts, and I'm going to make sure that Nat knows every little detail about him before I even agree to meet him for a latte... but we'll see what happens. But 3 years worth of web-stalking? It's seriously weird, and I'm a little concerned that I've actually agreed to see him.

Freaky St. Pete Guy: This one is realllly weird. He sent me a brief message on the personals site to which we both belong. I was really busy, but I sent him a quickie back -- "thanks for your mail, I'll definitely write more later when I have some time, catch you soon." He wrote back, "cool, looking forward to it." Up til now, entirely normal exchange, yes? So I am good to my word, and write him a happy little message with some brief tidbits about me (I have a kinda template that I use with new suitors...one of these days I should actually run the message by you folks, it's sort of an extension of my profile info but more casual) and questions about him. No response. Okay fine, he's a blond, which I'm not usually too keen on, but like I said... I'm trying new things and giving everyone (ok not really everyone) a chance, just to be fair and see what comes of it when I open my mind. About 4 days later, another brief message on the site. I wrote back, "are you ever online for a chat, or do you just pop in and out?" No response for a few days. Then he pops back up, "hey I really want to chat with you, here's my phone number." Phone number? Dude, be serious. I'm not calling your weird ass. I'm not even sure why I'm emailing with you. I wrote back, "ok looking forward to catching up when you're online." I like to know a little something about people I'm going to move into the phone stage with, you know? Yes I'm trying to be open but I'm not just flying blind. So this guy... I am not lying... sends me an email "call me now, my number is 1-800-stpeteweirdo." Yeah right. First of all, I was out at the time he sent the message, so I couldn't have called just then even if I was inclined to do so. Second, am I now taking orders from this blond motherfucker that I do not even know? Unlikely. Next!

I'm not even going to mention the rest of the weirdos online these days. Well ok, I'll mention them briefly:

• The 41-year old who lives in Philly and has 2 kids. We discussed how he's not in a frame of mind to move (and God knows I'm staying put), but then he wants to know if I want kids of my own, and when I respond affirmatively, proceeds to tell me that he doesn't want any more kids. What the fuck do I care what you want, we've already established that "you-n-me" is a non-event.
• The super-cute artist boy from central Florida (ps Nat, you should be getting in on some of this central Fla action, because there seems to be an awful lot of availability up there). His profile says he has a strong sex drive, but he only wants to have sex with someone he cares about. Then he tells me that although I am delicious, the only thing he's available for just now is "friends with benefits" because he's got ex- and work-drama. Aha.
• The EMT from New Mexico who's looking for a casual relationship but keeps emailing me anyway. He's totally cute and seems like a good guy, but ... I'm not moving to the middle of nowhere, and if all you want is a casual relationship, what are you doing emailing the likes of me allll the way down here in south Florida? Duh.

So I was going to mention Teach, except ... I haven't yet noticed anything really weird about him. He seems like a normal guy, he likes to talk with me, and I really enjoy chatting with him -- both online and on the phone. He's smart, very funny, and judging from the way he talks about teaching and his kids, he's got a good heart. He doesn't play any weird games with me, unless you count the fact that we've been chatting for weeks and he hasn't yet asked me out. Actually I mentioned it to him (I discussed this briefly in a comment on LSD's blog) the other day... I asked him, "so you basically have no romantic interest in me whatsoever, huh?" And he said "actually I think I do. I just tend to play it pretty close to the vest." And then went on to say how he's considered asking me out but hasn't because he's been so busy that he didn't want to seem ingenuine (is that a word?) by asking me and then not having the time to make good.

So I'm looking forward to the day when he asks me to join him for a drink, or dinner, or whatever... but I'm not entirely sure he will. In the meantime, though, I really do enjoy talking to him, so I plan to keep doing it until it's no longer feasible (because one of us has started dating, or whatever).

But man... I bet he's got some weirdness up his sleeve too.

Wish me luck...

I have an interview tomorrow. I've only been at my current job for about 3 months. But I don't like it very much -- I think the executives think I'm stupid (which I don't get at all), and mainly I feel like a glorified secretary. Maybe it's shallow of me, but I feel pretty strongly that it's a dealbreaker if the girl with over 10 years of experience and a law degree winds up sitting in a cube, especially while the people that report to her are sitting pretty in offices, by mere virtue of the fact that they've been there longer.

My boss (who is also new to the company, so we understand each other on a lot of these issues) basically told me that I'd be within my rights to pre-empt one of them out of their offices, but I would NEVER. I have enough trouble convincing people that YES a chubby little girl with no wrinkles (sometimes it's a liability being young!) has INDEED been in this business since 95, and does in fact know the regulations like the back of her hand and is actually quite adept at her job. Whoa, I'm getting off point. My point is, I have enough trouble being the uppity (in their opinions) new girl with the exaggerated (in their opinions) salary.... so I can only imagine the eye-darts if I kicked one of the old-skool girls out of her office just so that I could have some motherfucking privacy while on the phone with the New Hampshire securities Commissioner. Eeesh.

Oooooookay, rant off. Maybe. On to the interview news.

The company is basically buying out what's left of my old company. Seems weird, right? Why leave a company and then go work for its successor (which is not to say that the job is in the bag, but here's hoping). The thing about my old firm is, I LOVED the people, but hated the management, and thus, the risk-- and I guess you need to understand a little bit of what I do to understand why this is so important. Basically, what I do is tell people what to do -- I interpret the applicable regulations, apply them to my company's business, and ensure that the policies as I have implemented them are being followed. When they are NOT being followed (or if they feel I've implemented/interpreted incorrectly), the regulators (in my case, the NASD, state securities bureaus, and the almighty Securities & Exchange Commission -- which, btw, is my dream job extraordinaire) come in and kick up a fuss, and start doling out sanctions and censures, and I end up with a fistful of liability, facing the possible loss of my securities licenses (these exams are really not fun, people) and worse, my bar license.

Wow, there are a lot of parentheticals in that paragraph. I'ma have to keep it simple. I know my job bores the piss out of most people.

Anyway, I love the idea of working for a company that is basically my old firm -- same type of business (none of this insurance bollocks), a lot of the same quality people, and the freedom to work confidently, surrounded by people who appreciate my work. Except the liability is still there, because... well, it's a long story because why. Leave it at bad blood between old management and local regulators. And now here's the kicker -- they want me to take on the TOP compliance position. Which is maximum risk exposure. I don't really feel ready for this, partly because of the risk but also partly because I just don't think I know enough to do this job. My old boss, however, has given me a glowing reference, during which he's explained to them that I am perfectly capable, even though I keep insisting that I'm not. And then, he told me the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me in my professional life. He's a 30-year veteran of this industry, a real hard-worker and a fount of knowledge. And he told me (and the new co) that I make him a better compliance person. Wow.

I've discussed it with them, and the agreement seems to be to let me come in at 2d place (which is where I am now, except in a CUBE. Aaaahhh!!), and then in 6-8 months, step up to the top position. I am much more comfortable with this.

On the other hand, if it doesn't work out? Now I'm a job-hopper. Which I've already got a little bit of on my CV, thanks to tech bubble bursting in Nov 2000. (Don't ask).

I'm so afraid of making the wrong decision. I'm also TOTALLY getting ahead of myself since they haven't offered me the job ...tomorrow is my 3d interview though -- I've met with the current head of compliance twice, now I have to meet the other execs.

Do I hang on at this company even though I'm unhappy (and as much as an issue I make out of it, it's really NOT just the office thing, y'all)? Or do I take the risk -- in this new firm and in myself?

I know you can't make the decision for me. But it just feels good to get it out of my head and onto a bit of paper (otherwise known as my laptop screen).

Stolen Tag

So, no one actually tagged me, and I don't know the girl who I totally swiped this taggy-type post from, or even recall how I wound up at her blog, but since I have nothing important or interesting to say lately, and the SFSG blog post is sorta depressing me, I've decided to pretend that I know her and pretend that she tagged me.

Now, because I most unceremoniously stole this tag, I can't very well tag others in good conscience. However, I do offer it up to anyone who wants to tag themselves, and absolve any that do so of any liability for larceny or theft of any kind.

You have $10 and need to buy snacks at a gas station; what do you buy? I'm not sure why I'm buying snacks at a gas station, or why I need $10 worth of snacks, but I probably buy cheez doodles (NOT cheetos), chocolate zingers and a whole bunch of peanut butter cups. Dammit, now I want zingers.

If you had to be reincarnated as some sort of sea dwelling creature, what would you be? A mermaid, duh. So all the boys would drown themselves in pursuit of me and my hair would always have that awesome flowy underwater look. And I'd NEVER have to blowdry again.

Who's your favorite redhead? I'm not sure I know any redheads. Umm, Ginger Spice? No, she's trashy. Uhhh... I dunno. Let me think on this one a while.

What do you order when you're at a pancake house? French toast with bacon and fruity topping.

Do you own any naughty toys? No. But the longer I remain single, the more I wish I had the cojones to go out and buy some.

Have you made out with anyone on your link list? I don't have a link list. So my secrets are safe.

Describe your favourite pair of underwear: Pretty white satin bikini ones with a lace back.

Describe the last time you were injured: I got a little too excited in step class and hyperextended my right hamstring. I was on crutches for weeks. That hurt like a motherfucker. Have not been to step class since!

Are there any odd things that make you feel comfortable? This is a very strange question. I guess it's odd that I keep a lot of my online ventures to myself, away from my "real-life" friends (which is not to say that just because one is online, one is escaping from real life, but rather that I have friends online who I've never met -- and likely will never meet -- in person, and I have friends that are local, whom I see regularly, law school mates, etc. Both groups are real people and real friends, but the realms are very separate). Anyway, I kind of like it that these online/offline boundaries exist.

Tell me a weird story from your high school years: I can pretty much pinpoint the onset of my asthma condition to a night in high school. We were drinking (as usual) at my house (as usual) and for some reason we were hanging out in the hay loft of the barn (quickie background -- when I was 13, my parents had a mid-life crisis and bought a farm in the Catskills where I went to high school. The day after graduation I returned to the city). I remember laughing my ass off at some nonsense or other, and having a coughing fit from breathing in the hay dust or whatever it's called. I could barely breathe -- Mom gave me a shot at her asthma pump thingy (I'm such a pathetic asthmatic -- it's only situational so I don't require frequent medication and I forget what the thingy is called). Anyway, I've been an asthmatic ever since, but it only flares up when I'm around cats, some dogs, lots of dust, certain air pollutants, etc. Definitely qualifies as a weird story, I think.

What is the wallpaper on your cellphone? A lipstick kiss print.

What is your favourite soda? Diet coke, with lemon -- but not the kind that comes with "lemon" in it -- that is some seriously nasty pseudo-lemony flavour that should be outlawed. Real lemon wedges squeezed into the glass and that I can poke with my straw for extra lemony goodness.

Flavor of pudding? I don't eat pudding, generally... but I guess chocolate's always a safe bet. Ooh also I had some caramel sticky pudding in London once, that was gorgeous.

What type of shirt are you wearing? A black Old Navy 3/4 sleeve cotton top with a lace-lined V-neck

Prescription medication? None, other than the asthma thingy that I never really take.

If you could use only one form of transportation for the rest of your life what would it be? I'd like to move back to a city where I could walk everywhere. I've gotten too sedentary in Florida.

How many people are on your links list? Zero, we've been through this.

How many people on your links list do you know in real life? Ok I'll stretch it a bit if you insist on perpetuating this line of questioning. IF I had a links list, Nat would be on it. I know her in real life. Thus, the answer is one. Or would be one.

What are you listening to right now? Nothing, the house is quiet. But on my way home from lunch with an old boss who's in town for a conference, I was listening to Better Than Ezra.

Most recent movie you watched? Memoirs of a Geisha. I knew the film could never compare to the book, but I thought it would at least be more cinematically pleasing -- but between the missing parts from the book and the not-that-fantastic cinematography, I'd hold out for the rental.

Name 5 things you have with you at all times: mobile phone, lip balm, mascara, debit card, and my wits (those are really something I have about me, but with me is close enough).

Would you rather give or receive a foot massage? Receive. I'm not too keen on touching a boy's feet.

Name a teacher you had the hots for: I had the most adorable math professor in college. That was one class I didn't miss too often. You can't seriously expect me to remember his name, though.

What is a saying that you use a lot? That is completely fucking retarded.

What's one piece of advice that you think should be passed on to every child? Don't eat the crayons.

Still not a Red Sox fan...

Well. SFSG is leaving, on a jet plane. Ok actually he's already left. In fact, he should be landing any time now. So now, my faithful 3 readers (if that many)... I can blog about him!

So ok, he didn't really look like his pictures. Mainly because in each of the pics he was wearing a cap, and when I got to the airport, he wasn't.. and he was balding. He looks 40 (he is 40, so that's normal, but he'd looked younger in the pics). I'm ok with that... he just wasn't really my type. He is shorter, rounder, and balder than my type. Not that looks are everything, because a) they aren't, b) if they were, I would be a serious hypocrite and thus deserve to spend the rest of my days miserably alone, and c) he was still cute -- just in an older-than-I'd-expected kinda way. But anyway, there he was, with his big goofy smile and what he calls, and what I have come to affectionately call his "ahoo horhay" hair (apparently this is the song sung by the Whos down in Whoville, but I don't recall it, so I'm taking his word for it), and so I gave him a big hug and took his jacket and dragged him off to our first date.

He picked a nice place, we had a nice dinner (overrated, underflavoured and overpriced, but the atmosphere was nice -- it's lovely eating outdoors in January), and I introduced him to his first cuban mojito -- a fantastic concoction of mint leaves crushed with lime and sugar at the bottom of a glass filled with rum and a splash of sprite, so he was loving life. I just wasn't feeling it. Don't get me wrong, I was still doing all the girly bits of twirling my hair, biting my lip, and looking up while my face was tilted down...because that's what I'm supposed to do on a first date. But I was sorta thinking... hmmm...something's just not right. I took him home before heading back out to a different place for after-dinner drinks, and as he handed me my first gift of the weekend, he kissed me.

Wow. He's a bad kisser. Or at least he was, 6 days ago. He's quite good now. Go me!

You know what else he's quite good at? Yeah... you know. Honestly, I'm not even sure how it happened. I was on the floor, setting up his airbed like a good hostess (ok yeah, a good hostess would have done it in the morning before she left for work, but I was way too stressed about meeting him and way too preoccupied with getting my hair just right and making sure the apartment looked just so) ... next thing I knew, he was giving me a back rub, kissing the back of my neck (even bad kissers can do this well), and then... I dunno ... we woke up together on Saturday morning. He never slept in that fucking blowup camping bed contraption thingy.

I don't know what to say about him other than that he is awesome. He even put together the truly nightmarish wine tower thingy that I was bitching about the other day. We'd shared many a joke over this bloody thing and part of his "mission" in coming to visit was to put it together -- I swear. He got right on it Saturday morning. Isn't it lovely? (still doesn't hide the fucked up paint job where I ran out of New England Yellow)

All of this, with (in his words) no bullshit, no games, no outrageous expectations. I spent the entire weekend being treated like a princess. There were backrubs, footrubs (with girly-smelling lotions!), dinners out, breakfasts in, thoughtful gifts, multiple orgasms, and hours and hours of belly laughter. I want to want more from this guy, because he is so truly wonderful. But he's not the one, and I know it, and I knew it right away.

So what is it that makes us choose one person over another? I've dated men that were great on paper, but boring. This guy isn't boring, but somehow I still know that he's not someone I can have a lasting relationship with. Which makes me think I should check myself into a mental hospital, because really, there's nothing wrong with him. He's got a good job, he's funny, he's intelligent (not cerebral, but intelligent), he's humble, and gentle, and cute ... he's generous, friendly, and honest. He's good in bed, he's a great cuddler... and I felt so comfortable with him. Like he was a buddy, a boyfriend, a lover and even like a brother, all rolled into one sweet little package. AND he's into me. I mean, what is wrong with me?? Yeah, he lives in Boston, but I believe he'd move if things were headed in that direction.

And all I can do is ask myself, why aren't things headed in that direction? It's probably my fault. I tend to make up my mind pretty quickly, and I didn't want to mislead him, so I kind of nipped it in the bud. We were laying in bed on Sunday morning (catching our breath), and the conversation went like this:

Me: You know... I'm having a really good weekend
SFSG: Me too
Me: I mean, to be honest, I'm not feeling the whole relationship thing. But I am having a wonderful time with you
SFSG: You wanted to talk about this NOW? Is everything ok?
Me: Yahyah things are fine, it's just... I mean, I don't know about a relationship
SFSG: Well, I know we had to meet and check it out. It's not really like I can move down here tomorrow
Me: Right...but...
SFSG: And you know, I'm starting the new job. We just needed to meet to see
Me: Right... but... listen, I'm not trying to be negative. In fact it's just the opposite. I wanted to let you know that I'm really glad you're here, and I'm having a great time with you
SFSG: Me too. C'mere.

So... what was he thinking? Would he have tried to make it a lasting thing if I'd not said that? Did he get the same "this is great but it's not going to work long-term" vibe that I did? Now that he's home, will he try to make plans to visit again? Will he want to keep it alive?

I don't know. I did get a text from him a few minutes ago, to let me know he was thinking of me and still laughing. I actually miss him. But I think I miss the company more than the himness of him. Maybe I'm just an insufferably picky bitch.

Dammit.

Tag Virgin!

Well this is new... posting twice in one week! But I have been tagged (my first! yay me!), so I will do as I'm told (for once). Here goes:

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE:
1. Director of Compliance
2. Assistant Director of Compliance
3. Compliance Officer
4. Smiley retail sales girl at the mall

FOUR MOVIES YOU WOULD WATCH OVER AND OVER:
1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
2. Love, Actually
3. Swingers
4. Bedknobs & Broomsticks

FOUR PLACES YOU HAVE LIVED:
1. New York
2. Upstate NY (not even a little bit the same as living in NY, for all those people who think, isn't NY just NY? Uhhhh, NO)
3. Flori-duhhh
4. Barcelona

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH:
1. One Tree Hill (so embarassing)
2. Las Vegas
3. Law & Order (total giveaway from the lawyer chick)
4. Jimmy Neutron

FOUR PLACES YOU HAVE BEEN ON VACATION:
1. Egypt
2. Cancun
3. Portugal
4. Italy

FOUR OF YOUR FAVOURITE FOODS:
1. Pasta with either pesto, vodka, or four-cheese sauce
2. Cold sesame noodles
3. Fondue (cheese and chocolate)
4. Really, really, REALLY well-done buffalo wings (even better if boneless wings)

FOUR PLACES YOU WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. At work (only because I am sitting around waiting for the stupid plumbers and I know how much work is waiting for me at my desk)
2. Sitting by the pool
3. On vacation -- anywhere
4. In the arms of someone special

Ok, well I don't really know who to tag, so I will not tag anyone just now and save my tagging privileges for later. EDIT -- I am tagging Sass cause I just read that she wants to be tagged for this. YAY I got tagged AND got to tag someone who really wants it all in the same day.

Thursday -- only one more sleep till SFSG gets here! Eeeeeeek!

Hunker down, folks...

....this is gonna be a long one.

I don't think I've ever had a day quite like this one. And even if I try to explain it properly, most of it will get lost in translation... too many side stories, too much background information. But this is how my day started:

7 am. Phone ringing. Why is the phone ringing at 7am? For once I can sleep in, cause I have to run to Crate & Barrel to drop off the evil wine tower and exchange it for the new, better, will-fit-together-in-all-the-right-places-and-no-hardware-will-be-missing wine tower (see what I mean about side stories? The wine tower is totally extraneous at the moment, but I'll get to it in a mo). And yet, at 7am, the phone is ringing. My Scary Fuckin Stalker Guy (except he is neither scary nor a stalker, it's an inside joke and I don't want to use his real name just 'cause). Ok, it's 7am, but SFSG is cute and sweet and side-splittingly funny, so I pick up.

Me: Mmmhhhheelloo?

SFSG: Jen, I couldn't sleep at all last night.

Me: Hmmmwhaa?

(mind you, I hung up with SFSG at about 12:30 last night, after yet another fantastically fun, marathon conversation. I don't want to be awake. I don't get why he is awake, or why he is calling me. I am still too sleepy to be truly alarmed, though.)

SFSG: I couldn't sleep, I was up half the night thinking about you, and I'm thinking... how's Friday? Is it ok if I come into town on Friday?

(ok, now the background. SFSG is a lovely, lovely boy that I met on a personals site. As previously noted, he is cute and sweet and funny. I would love to date him. But he lives ohh, I dunno... like maybe 11 states north of me. WHY?? But ok, whatever, we've been talking for weeks, for hours at a time, and it's TIME, I guess, to move things forward -- at least to the point where we should see if we'll have such fantastic chemistry in person)

Me: Uhhhh.... yah, ok.

Now, the rest of the convo (and yes, we stayed on the phone for anoter hour after that) is not important. But it was a weird start to my morning.

8:45 am. I decide I need to put the half-built, completely fucked wine tower in the car, so I don't break a sweat doing it later when I'm all dressed for work. Right. Suddenly, the thing that only barely fit in my car if I tilted it just so and let it hang out the back window, no longer fitsd at all. Fuck ME. So I had to halfway take the thing apart, just to make it fit. Run back up for a quick shower, off to work. Right-o.

9:30 am. Traffic (of course). Fine, this is South Florida, even if it IS almost 10 am by now... deal with it. Then... keep in mind, please, that my back window is open to accomodate this monstrosity ... rain. Honest-to-goodness, completely unanticipated rain. On the legs of the stupid wine tower, dripping all over my back seat. Aaahh. I feel like it's 4 in the afternoon, and really I haven't even gotten my first cup of coffee or my first screaming broker phone call yet, so my day hasn't even technically begun.

10:15 am. I get to Crate & Barrel (in the rain, now my hair is curling up!), wait for the stock guy to unload the offensive item, then he asks me do I want the one that's already assembled? Well hell fucking YES I want that one, but I am driving a Camry, so that's not really an option because it barely fits in there when it's disassembled. He manages to get the entire box into my car so that I do not have to leave the window open all day, which thrills and depresses me at the same time -- thrills because it's in! yay! And depresses because the FIRST time I tried to shove that thing in my car, I was with Natalia, and between the two of us (probably a combined 15+ years of higher education between us), we could not get this thing into the car so that it would fit. Crate & Barrel stock guy, however, gets it in there in under 5 minutes. Okay fine, he is paid to do this work, does not mean that Nat and I are geometrically challenged, or whatever. Oi.

10:35 am. Then there's work. Which is always a madhouse, but today we have an employee meeting where each of us is supposed to come prepared to discuss at least one idea for improving our respective departments. Right. So everyone is whispering at their cubes ...do you have an idea? I don't have an idea! Oh my goodness, who comes up with these ideas?? And so forth. We are all dreading this meeting, and with good reason, because when it finally happened -- it was deadly. Two hours of the lamest ideas EVER. But we're not up to the meeting yet. And in fact, I'm not even gonna blog about it any further cause it's not right to bore people like that.

3 pm. "Jen, there's a delivery for you." A wha? So I go out to the reception area, and SFSG has sent me flowers. Flowers! Now I am blushing like an idiot, because of course I am not going to tell everyone who they're from. Oh, they're from this guy that I don' t really know, he lives in the northeast but I talk to him every night and guess what! he's coming to visit this weekend. I suddenly become less like rulebook Jen, stern securities lawyer chick, and more like blushing giggly completely psychotic online dating chick. Yeahhh, not so much. Still, the flowers are fantastic (no lilies!! Go SFSG!) and such a lovely gesture and I AM indeed giggly blushing chick.

8:30 pm. So that brings me to now... having written an insufferably long post which will not even make sense to those of you with the werewithal to finish reading it, thinking that I MUST clean my house (no excuses now, I have a houseguest coming!) and completely FREAKING about said houseguest and his imminent visit. What if he doesn't think I'm cute in person? What if I don't like him? What if he's actually a psycho killer who leaves me for dead in the middle of the Everglades under the auspices of a "romantic outdoorsy date?"

-Sigh- This is gonna be one loooonnnggg week.

Must.Stop.Eating.TRUFFLES

Ugh.

My friend Tara (who I hate at this precise moment) gave me a box of truffles for Christmas. Not just any truffles, either... Godivas. Skinny bitch! So tonight I gave into the sweet tooth, cracked open the box, and I've just eaten two. Okay, these are not Hershey's kisses, people. These are fat little Godiva truffles that have about 963 calories and 44 fat grams apiece. Ok I made those numbers up, but the point is, I do NOT need to be sitting on my ass eating truffles. I really, really don't.

This chocofest is even more ridiculous considering that I just came from the Jenny Craig office, because -- although I refuse to make new year's resolutions -- I've decided that I HAVE to lose weight. NOW. Of course I didn't sign up tonight, because I'm still researching other avenues, and also considering whether I can commit to eating dried and/or frozen foods for like... ever. Which is nuts because I'm actually a great cook AND, having been overweight and on diets of one sort of another for the better part of my life, I'm also actually quite knowledgeable about cooking light (the subscription to the magazine of the same name doesn't hurt, either!). But I'm so damn BUSY, that a program like Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem or whatever seems like the logical choice since I don't have to set aside any time for cooking or prep -- just grab 'n go. I'm out of the house by 7 and don't set foot back in for a good 12 hours at least -- usually more like 14 -- and by the time I get home I am so wiped that I just want to chill for a bit before sleep. So I don't exactly have a lot of free time for chopping vegetables and marinating meats. My blender is a godsend when paired with some yogurt and frozen raspberries, and I'm pretty content with my new crockpot too, but sometimes I just don't even have the 3 minutes it takes to blend a proper smoothie.

Also, do you know how costly it is to lose weight these days? Oi. The Jenny program is over $300 and that's not including the $100 or so per week for the ready-made (read: most likely really nasty) food. So I'm waffling. And eating truffles. Probably because I figure, once I make a decision, these lovely little morsels will have to go into the trash (although I'll probably just put them in the bottom drawer of the fridge -- you know, the one that sticks so badly it's a nuisance to use so I won't be tempted to cheat except when absolutely necessary... like during a premenstual moment). In any event, I guess I need to make a choice soon. I'm gymming it pretty regularly these days, but if you're not eating right, it's almost like... what's the point? So if anyone has any tips, ideas, support ... bring em on. I could use all the help I can get.

Maybe I'll pull an Anna Nicole and get all hopped up on Trimspa and vodka. She's got the IQ of a paper clip, but she looks damn good these days...