Road Rage

A woman tried to assault me today on my way to work. I mean she actually got out of her car and put her white trash face on the window of my car and started yelling at me through the window. Why? Because I called her a bitch and apparently she can read lips.

Of course she IS a bitch because she could obviously SEE that there was a stalled car in my lane (which I couldn't see a) until the other cars in front of me started moving out of the lane and b) because I'm in a camry and she's in a pickup truck so she's got the higher ground). And if she can SEE that I need to move into her lane for the simple purpose of being able to get where I'm going, and yet she insists that she will not let me in, no way, no how, then hell fucking YES I am going to give her the look of death and scream at the window "WHY ARE YOU SUCH A FUCKING BITCH??" (and incidentally also scream this into the phone to my poor mother, with whom I was having a very pleasant conversation up until that point). What am I not going to do, like um, ever? I am NOT going to get out of my car and scream at the other driver like a lunatic while she ignores me, continuing her phone conversation, as all the other drivers look on and go.... oh dear me. And then proceed to get back into my car and pull alllllllllllll the way up to just a millimetre away from the next car's bumper so that it's abundantly clear that no, there is no way I'm letting you in.

Oooookay.

Nat's right, I have to take her up on her challenge to me during the me-me-me meme (thanks Terry!), and I have to try to control my road rage. But I mean, have you ever driven in South Florida? It's like the place where all the NYers come so they can stop driving like maniacs but instead take it to obnoxious levels of driving rudeness. And that lady? Oi. Come to think of it, I should have had her ass arrested for assault. I'm guessing she doesn't know the legal definition or she wouldn't have pulled some shit like that.

So tomorrow, I'm going to try to have a gentle and smooth ride into work, and avoid upsetting other drivers while simultaneously trying to avoid letting the other drivers upset me.

Mmmhmmm... that's a challenge all right. I'll let you know how it turns out.

SPAM haiku

Did you know there is a whole website dedicated to this? Well actually I just googled it and apparently the website is no longer but there are still plenty of these weird little poems dedicated to canned meat by-product. Anyway, I was unpacking the last of Chulo's boxes this weekend, and ...

Unpacking boxes
Found my boyfriend's can of spam
Gross little surprise

Is he serious?
He says it's hurricane food
I think it's yucky

Fine, Fine

No one seems to want to comment -- either for fear of falling subject to the meme or because my blog sucks, I'm not sure. But just in case it's the former, I'll take away the evil meme post. For the record, *I* liked it.

In other news, I took the job. So yeah, my life is basically over now.

Happy Friday, bloggeroos!

Karma + Meme-thingy = happy weekend!

I got some good news this week. I mean, not really good news for me in that it doesn't have any effect on my life... but it was feel-good news. Like when someone does you dirty and then you find out that they've recently gotten themselves stuck in a bind, and it's due in part to the dirty they did to you? I know it shouldn't, but it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. Anyway I can't really go into specifics, but suffice it to say that someone did something really inappropriate to me recently, and whether it's the ripple effects of what he did to me or just natural progression, he is now in a position where if he hadn't done to me what he did, he would be ok. He'll still be fine, because he's a smart guy, but I know he's suffering. And pissed. And this fills me with glee. Because what he did to me, although in the end it worked out, was really, really inappropriate and it's the sort of thing that grown, civilised people just do not do. Golden rule, baby.

Anyway. Sass had this cute little meme thing that works kinda differently. Instead of writing stuff about yourself, the tagger writes stuff about you, and then tags you to do the same to her (or him), and it goes on and on with you doing that for each of your commenters. Except Sass was kind enough to say she'd only do the tag to you if you asked for it, rather than doing it to all commenters. Or perhaps she did that because she has so many commenters. Well, I don't have that problem so I'm going to do it to ALL of you ...muahahahahahahahaha!

Ahem.

So it works like this: If you comment on this post:
1. I’ll respond with something random about you
2. I’ll challenge you to try something
3. I’ll pick a color that I associate with you
4. I’ll tell you something I like about you
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I’ll ask you something I’ve always wanted to ask you

And,
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours

Here's the tag she did for me (cut and pasted directly from her blog, because... well, I'm lazy), and then of course I had to comment back, so those are in italics. Now I have to do her on here (I think that's the way it goes! in the comments section?), and all you commenters are next!

1. i’ll respond with something random about you
i love the way you dive in with both feet and without holding back.

Thank you! I think I'm too old for the wading pool. If it goes wrong, at least it goes wrong straight away and I don't have to waste time wondering

2. i’ll challenge you to try something
i challenge you to um... damm this is hard. i challenge you to believe in yourself and take the big risk

Now this is kinda weird because I see the challenge as something I wouldn't ordinarily do without being challenged, yet this is sort of what you like about me in the first question. But I feel like I know where you're going with it and I believe I will accept your challenge!

3. i’ll pick a color that i associate with you
pink and no i have no idea why

That's funny because, especially recently, I think pink has become sort of my signature colour. I have pink shoes, a pink wallet, tons of pink clothes, I wear pink eyeshadow and lip gloss, and it just seems like I've been wearing more pink recently. I think I draw the line at a pink phone, though. Might be seen as unprofessional.

4. i’ll tell you something i like about you
i like that you're willing to look at the other person's side instead of assuming yours is right.

Mom taught me that one. I still think I'm right most of the time though.

5. i’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
butt!

Lol. Yeah, I used to use that alias before I had a blog and became JMai. It's a long-standing nickname with a completely retarded story behind it.

6. i’ll tell you what animal you remind me of
um. this one is dumb.

'Tis

7. i’ll ask you something i’ve always wanted to ask you
was it love at first sight with chulo?

No. I think when I met Chulo I was a little too disillusioned by both the online dating process and my past relationships to have enough faith to allow for love at first sight. But he was the first person I'd met in ages who I was into. Plus he's so fucking cute that if it were going to be love at first sight with anyone, it would be him.

8. if i do this for you, you must post this on yours
and do me!

My pleasure, Sasselina!