A la Terry

Lovely cold weather
but briefly, chasing away
humid oppression

Cute scarves and sweaters
Yay! I get to enjoy you!
Stupid Florida

Uhh... derrrr

I blame Chulo.

I just took the Jeopardy! online test. Boy, do I feel dumb.

I usually do so well when I'm sitting on the couch throwing out guesses. But when I have 15 seconds to read the question and type in an answer... uhhh, not so much. Also, every question was a different category. I mean how am I supposed to build any momentum if you keep switching up the tempo?

So I think it's safe to say you won't be seeing me charm Alex Trebek (who is a pompous dork anyway) on television anytime soon. As if I have any time for frivolities like that.

Actually I have been thinking a lot about vacationing lately. Firstly, it's been nearly a year since I've gotten away. But also, Chulo may be getting some time off soon, and if he does, then I'll have to take some time off too so we can get away. I'd really like to bounce around the south of Spain for a week, but I'm not too sure we can make that happen on short notice.

I have so many things to talk about but can't... that's the issue with telling people that you know and interact with daily about your blog. I mean I have very few "real-life" friends/family/coworkers that know about my little cup of tea, and of those I don't think many check it often. But some stuff is too intrusive and I can't run the risk. Dammit!

Also I have been having trouble sleeping lately... for no good reason that I can think of. I don't really think it's stress... although I am much more stressed now than I ever have been (except maybe while studying for the bar exam), I'm still pretty good at leaving it (mostly) at the office, and I infrequently fall asleep worrying about work issues. Still, it takes me longer to get to sleep (the good news is, Chulo's not really a snorer, otherwise this would present a real problem), and I don't sleep through the night. I'm not waking up because I'm too hot or too cold; it's just not a fitful sleep. And in the morning? Fucking exhausted. Anyone have any ideas about that? Or what I could do to get a better night's sleep?

My neighbours across the way are SO LOUD. I'm pretty sure there are 19 Dominican people living in the corner 3-bedroom and I don't think ANY of them have a job, based on how late they stay up listening to music and cackling like drunken hags on the patio. Bitches. Or maybe I just need new, more soundproof windows.

Well this was random. I really need to get to sleep ...but please refer to the prior paragraph regarding sleep issues. Also I think I had all this nervous energy left over from the time pressure of taking the stupid Jeopardy test. I believe I'm over it now.

Why is Paris Hilton still alive? By my calculations, she should have been dead ages ago... considering that she's much too stupid to remember how to breathe.

Silly Peopleages

Ok the infidelity post was kinda bringing me down. So to cheer myself up, I went to check out my search engine referral terms. I know this is not an original post, but it's quite entertaining (at least to me). I'm always a little distressed at how "normal" mine are, relatively speaking. Some people get really strange search terms... I remember Alice (dearly departed from the blogosphere or else on extremely long hiatus) had one that went something like "slippery nickel lime dance" ... uhhh, what??

I'm especially proud of the fact that the highest percentage of hits comes from the word "mxresorts" -- seriously, if I have done a public service by telling the world (or at least the googling, yahooing, ask.comming world) what a crap service this is, then I am thrilled. No one else should be taken for a ride by these criminals. In case you're here now because you googled the word "mxresorts," be warned -- do NOT give these people your money. They are charlatans, and also scummy assholes! I hope they've gone out of business.

Well, now that I'm done with THAT, here are some of my search-engine gems. The first few are not too surprising.

what does it mean to "teabag" someone
(a reasonable question... I had to google it myself. And still I chose this title for my blog. Hmmm...)

tea bag girls who suck balls
(ew)

teabagging tongue punching bag
(double ew, and also... what???)

woman is like a teabag
(why yes, yes she is. you never know how strong she is until gets into hot water!)

tongue in vegina
(I think you mean vAgina. perhaps that's why you're searching the term instead of doing it)

what does jmai mean
(I'm certainly curious about this one)

strange bump on the bottom of my tongue
(unfortunate.... but I think the site you're looking for is www.webmd.com)

why are boys weird
(I blogged about weird boys just about a year ago, and sadly, I am still no closer to finding the answer to this question. Sorry, girls)

disastrous short haircut women
(well, not all short haircuts on women are disastrous. I thought America Ferrara looked fantastic at the Golden Globes, for example. And it works for Ellen)

trust found laptop letter OR letters OR dream "boyfriend"
(I don't get the correlation here at all)

improving bad kissers
(I have spent many an evening on this task. If you have the patience, it can be quite rewarding)

glitter'n'glue
(word)

Happy searching, folks! iPod meme coming soon, I SWEAR!

Infidelity

I'll preamble this by saying that good heavens NO, I am not cheating on Chulo (or pondering doing so) and he is not cheating on me (or pondering doing so). But we did rent a movie last weekend that really disturbed me and got me thinking.

Have any of you seen The Last Kiss? I remember watching the trailer during the coming attractions for at least one movie, several months ago, and thinking that I would hatehateHATE that movie. But it got pretty good reviews, and I love Jacinda Barrett, so I thought, ok... let's see. How bad could it be?

Bad.

What a shitty, depressing film. Seriously, one of the reviews called this the ultimate date movie. Are you fucking kidding me?? "Hey let's go out for a while. It might get serious, but then one of us will wonder if the grass is really greener and cheat on the other. Won't that be fun?" Um, no.

I mean, if you're in love, you're in love, right? If you're with someone and you know you want to wake up with that person for every anniversary, birthday, sick day, bad hair day... what else is there? When did we become so obsessed with the next best thing that the current best thing has stopped being good enough?

I won't ruin it for anyone who wants to see it and hasn't yet (not that I've left much to the imagination at this point -- sorry), but I found that film infuriating. And the really infuriating thing about it is, I imagine that's how it happens in real life. It just takes a moment... a complimentary word, an alternative ending, a glimpse of what might never be. I sat through most of this movie fuming, cursing at the television, and just generally in a foul temper. I was mad at him. I was REALLY mad at the girl. So mad that I will probably never be able to watch any other movie that she's in and see her as anything but a pathetic, whorebag homewrecker. Chulo asked me more than once to just forget the movie and let's do something else. But I had to see the ending. Which, although touching, still left me with a feeling of too little too late. A week later, I'm still annoyed. Seriously, the only thing that's good about this movie is the soundtrack.

And then, as if that movie and its ridiculous message isn't enough ...all I have to do is turn on the radio in the car. Pop/rock flavour of the month is this horrible, horrible song ... I heard one DJ call it "Ode to Adultery," which is precisely what it is. "Lips of an Angel." Seriously? Why is it okay to make music like this? YOUNG KIDS are listening to -- nay, memorising -- these asinine lyrics. What a fantastic message.

I'm not sure why I take all of this so seriously but I really find it upsetting. Does monogamy and fidelity mean nothing anymore? And if not, when did it stop meaning something?

In other news, I've lost the little cord that connects iPod to the computer. If only I could find it, perhaps I could do the iPod meme and grace the blogosphere with a more uplifting post, eh?

Return of the Meme

Right, so I said a couple of posts ago that I wanted to do a whole bunch of the memes that were circulating the blogosphere recently. And then I did precisely... ONE. Weak. So here's my first post for 2007, I'll try to make it a good one.

(please bear in mind that this effort may result in falsified meme responses. The author assumes no liability for the truthfulness of any of the statements herein presented. Please read at your own risk.)

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Sick is not a good look for us.

2. How much cash do you have on you? People wearing pajamas do not generally carry cash.

3. What's a word that rhymes with DOOR? S'mores, but in the singular

4. Favorite planet? Well, I kind of miss Pluto. Now what is my very educated mother just supposed to serve us nine of?

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? I don't have a "missed calls" list, only a "received calls" list, which shows both missed and picked up. The 4th person on that list actually was a missed call, from Unknown, which came in at approximately 7:15 last night, and I did not pick up because Chulo and I were uh, celebrating

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? I Dream of Jeannie

7. What shirt are you wearing? Pink pajama top

8. Do you label yourself? All the time

9. Name the brand of the shoes you're currently wearing: They are not shoes, they are big fuzzy pink slippers, and I'm not sure that they have a brand name. I would have to take one of them off to discover if they do, and I don't feel like it.

10. Bright or Dark Room? Bright. Sunshine, always sunshine.

11. Why is there always a missing question? Because people are fucking stupid and it amuses them to think that this is important in any way.

12. What does your watch look like? I do not wear watches. The party starts when I get there.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Coughing up a lung

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say? "How are you feeling my love?"

15. Where is your nearest 7-11? Pine Island and 595. And 'round these parts, we call it "Sev." And by "we" I mean "me"

16. What's a word that you say a lot? "Stupid." As in, "that guy is stupid" or "I have to find the stupid thing" or "that's a stupid way to do it" because invariably, my way is better and smarter.

17. Who told you he/she loved you last? Mom

18. Last furry thing you touched? Chulo's brother's dog

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? Are we counting OTC meds?

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? Sadly, I have a 3-year old roll of film sitting inside a 35-mm camera (which has been there, half-taken, since the Christmas that I got my first digital camera). I guess we can say sayonara to those photographs. Also I have not one but TWO disposable underwater cameras with film that needs to be developed.

21. Favorite age you have been so far? 26. You're not "the kid" at work anymore, you can legally drink, vote and buy lotto scratch-offs, and you can rent a car without paying an underage premium.

22. Your worst enemy? Rotten, snot-nosed little kids that gave me this bloody COLD

23. What is your current desktop picture? It's Chulo's desktop, and it's a picture of us (a really bad one!) on the sunset cruise we took in Key West

24. What was the last thing you said to someone? To my boss: "Yes we DO have an independent obligation to follow CIP procedures exclusive of the clearing firm." He disagrees.

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, what would it be? This question is even stupider than the one about my favourite planet. I'd take the million, DUH.

26. Do you like someone? I like lots of someones. There are very few people that I know that I really do not like. This is entirely different from the world full of dumbasses out there that I don't know ... and even them I don't dislike, I just find them stupid. Which is not the same.

27. The last song you listened to? Amber by 311

28. What time of day were you born? 10pm

29. What's your favorite number? 9

30. Where did you live in 1987? Queens. In the house I grew up in. Which has since been razed and rebuilt into this stucco monstrosity. I mean HELLO you morons, that was a mock tudor! Aside from being gorgeous, that's kind of the WHOLE POINT of the neighbourhood. Ugh. Nouveau riche make me sick. People shouldn't be allowed to have money unless they pass a style sense test.

31. Are you jealous of anyone? Sure. I'm jealous of my sister's body. Of Iliana's cute feet. Of Nat's eyes. Of all my friends who have kids. Of all those people who were smart enough to purchase property in the 90s and whose mortgage payments are less than half of mine for twice the house.

32. Is anyone jealous of you? Probably, but just for some little piece of me rather than my whole. Just like I'm jealous of little pieces of others, but I don't want to be anyone else.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened? Driving to work.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Get annoyed and then move on

35. Do you consider yourself kind? I can be, but I often am not.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? I can't imagine a situation where I HAD to get a tattoo, but I always thought it would be cute to have something around my belly button.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? I am fluent in another language

38. Would you move for the person you loved? If we could make it work, after lots of planning and preparation. I've already done the by-the-seat-of-my-pants move and that was a little too bumpy to have any desire to repeat the experience

39. Are you touchy-feely? Not overly PDA, but I like to hold hands and steal a couple of smooches here and there

40. What's your life motto? Live it, it's good

41. Name three things you have on you at all times: Mobile phone, lip gloss, and a smile

42. What's your favorite town/city? I've been to so many lovely places, it's hard to choose a favourite

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? Probably coffee, as the Dunkin closest to work doesn't take debit or credit cards. Bastards. I have literally pulled into the parking lot, taken the keys out of ignition, and then realised I didn't have any cash on me and had to turn around.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? Do Christmas cards count? If so, umm... about 3 weeks ago

45. Can you change the oil on a car? Which one's the oil?

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? My first love got sent to Desert Storm, was about to get leave to come home, and got sent to Serbia/Bosnia. I got two more letters after he arrived there, and since then, nothing. I have no idea if he ever got home or why he stopped writing to me. I was 16.

47. How far back do you know your ancestry? Know know, or reasonably should suspect? I mean, I'm SURE there's a Pharoah or two in there. We are Coptic Egyptians after all, not descendants of the Moors.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy? I think it was my sister's wedding. I wore a black dress with um, that neckline that drapes -- not sure what that's called -- in the front and the back, my new pearls and strappy sandals.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now? My back kinda hurts from sitting in this chair for so long. I hope this thing is almost over, it's taking forever.

50. Have you ever been burned by love? Burned, disappointed, slapped in the face, rendered speechless, rendered breathless... I wouldn't change a thing

51. Do you have a crush on any bloggers? I have a crush on one blogger's son (Buddha) and one blogger's cat (Mr. Carlos Muffin). Does that count?

52. Where would you like to live? For some reason, recently I have been thinking North Carolina or Colorado. I'm fucking sick of Florida.

Yay no more questions! 52? Really? What a weird number. But a fun meme... feel free to do it yourself if you haven't already.