Grumpy New Year

This is what you get for celebrating the misfortune of someone else’s death.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who worked in an office far, far away. She spent her days reading federal regulations and drafting policy, and trying to keep up with the whims of stock market governance. The girl loved her job, and spent many long hours growing pale and pasty by the light of the fluorescent bulbs that enabled her to work long after the daylight hours had passed into night. She was very lucky, as she really enjoyed the work that she did, and had the respect and support of her talented colleagues.

Then one day, the New York Stock Exchange announced that it would postpone the first trading day of the new year to honour the passing of a President. This was truly unprecedented news, as it would mean that the stock markets would be closed for four consecutive days, which was a very rare event indeed. Thank you, dead President!

The girl who loved her job paid no mind to this announcement, however, as she had already made plans to work from home that day. She had a couple of projects that required her undivided attention, and besides, the cable company was coming to do an installation for the new big screen HDTV that she bought for her loving boyfriend as a Christmas gift. The girl enjoyed working from home, for as much as she loved her job, one of her favourite perks was being able to work from home in pajamas.

Still, the rest of the office waited anxiously for the joyous announcement from management that no one had to work on Tuesday since the markets would be closed. An extra day off! Twenty-four whole more hours to nurse those inevitable hangovers! Rock on! The office was abuzz with gleeful anticipation.

Finally, the news came from above, but it wasn’t the news everyone had hoped for. Management noted that even though the markets were closed, banks were open and critical functions needed to be addressed, and an executive decision was made to keep the office open. There was much whispering and grumbling following this announcement.

“What a waste! We’ll be here twiddling our thumbs!” said the grumpy office
slackers.

“Is he serious? Can’t you talk some sense into him?” pleaded others.

Alas, the news had come and most accepted their fate begrudgingly. The girl who loved her job paid no mind. There was always work to be done, and wasn’t this such a lovely place to work, even if you did have to come in after all? But she was still planning to work from home. The announcement, so unfortunate for the others, didn’t change a thing as far as she was concerned.

Later, as her boss passed her in the hallway, he asked if she’d reminded her staff that they needed to report to work on Tuesday.

“I did,” she said, “but I won’t be here. I’ve got an appointment with the cable company between 11 and 2 to set up the new high-def service.”

Her boss was visibly upset, and demanded that she be there as well, even if it meant rescheduling with the cable company. No amount of pleading or reasoning would budge him.

“It wouldn’t be right if your staff showed up and you weren’t here along with them,” he said. “It sends the wrong message.”

Confused, distressed, and in a terrible huff, she returned to her desk and called to cancel her appointment.

And the moral of the story is, listen to your boyfriend when he tells you that you can pick up the box directly from Comcast and install the thing yourselves.

Happy New Year!